


in the rich man's world

by jenlvbug



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Adoption, Aged Up NCT Dream, Aged-Up Character(s), Consensual Sex, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Happy Ending, LGBTQ Character, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Single Father, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Smut, Soft Na Jaemin, Some Humor, Strangers to Lovers, Teenage Parents, businessman na jaemin, jeno teenage father
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:08:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29088120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenlvbug/pseuds/jenlvbug
Summary: Jeno Lee is a young single father of a teenage boy and has bills to pay, always joking to his best friend how nice would be having a very wealthy, hot man to maintain him. One day said dreamy hunk actually steps inside the 'Neo Culture' magazine headquarter where Jeno works. Jaemin Na is one of the growing richest businessmen of New York.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 32
Kudos: 266





	in the rich man's world

**Author's Note:**

> hello! 
> 
> i always have too much fun writing jaemjen, especially aged up characters and i got carried for three free days writing this.  
> this is for the growing adults living in uncertainty like me, i'm with all of you and honestly jeno is so relatable, who doesn't want a wealthy handsome person to come home to ;-;
> 
> i suggest you listen to abba's 'money, money, money' for the vibes haha, that's how i came up with this idea.  
> i really hope you'll have fun and enjoy, i'm a bit sick so i hope there aren't too many mistakes left to disturb your reading ^^

“So, what are your plans?”. Asks him Donghyuck, wearing gym clothes for a workout he probably won’t do anyway.

“Getting laid by a very rich hot man, possibly. Or paying all these bills today”. Jeno sighs, letters sprawled on the kitchen floor after the mailman left them for him to be complaining first thing in the morning. Donghyuck smiles closing his eyes to crevices, noticing a very tall boy for being fourteen years old standing behind him displeased.

“Ew, dad! What the fuck”.

“Jisung Lee, language!”. Jeno turns just to glare at his son, rubbing tired eyes still wearing pajamas. It’s his free day and for taking to the kitchen stool a spine sore from all the hours sitting at his office desk, he deserves to sweetly do nothing. Except for Jisung’s breakfast he prepared and he’s grabbing quickly from the table. 

“How much did you hear?”. Donghyuck chuckles, sipping morning coffee to swallow down amusement.

“Enough to be disgusted”. Jisung grimaces at them, ruffled black hair and backpack on his shoulders. “I’m going to school”.

“Give me a kiss first”. 

Jeno is a thirty-three year old working man, a single father who has failing dates every once in a while and a man can only wish. They live a humble life, not the fanciest apartment block but so far it has been kind to them. To let Jeno find a stable job, something he’s good at and despite all the complaints at the end of the day he can say he’s luckier than most.

He can maintain his son, his working schedule is not as flexible but he never had Jisung missing anything in his life, and the boy was raised with the most love he could give alone. Jeno never thought he would be able to take care of a child when he was barely an adult himself, was afraid during the whole sudden pregnancy of his ex girlfriend but when he saw those little eyes opening as he held Jisung in his arms the first time — he convinced himself he could do it.

Jeno held Jisung in his arms for the first time at eighteen years old, he is his biggest joy and gift life could give him. Obviously a love this big and unexpected when you’re still forming your way to the future makes you renounce many things. Jeno never felt the sacrifices, dropping law school after the first year because having a child is demanding and requires a lot of care.

His parents are amazing. They supported him particularly through the first years of Jisung’s life, when Jeno had no idea how to raise him and his ex-girlfriend, mother of Jisung gave up, disappearing and leaving them alone. It was already going bad before the baby news, Jeno was doubting their relationship with her and his general interest in girls, but then one day at the brink of their five months of dating she knocked at his door telling him she was pregnant with their baby.

And then since he got left dealing with it himself, also left out by most friendships he used to have because apparently he had changed too much — and how couldn't he when suddenly the only thing feeling right was putting Jisung’s life first and going out with anyone meant having a huge part of his heart pending to come back home, make sure he was okay and not missing him. 

Jeno was completely lonely and wishing for at least a friend that would try to understand what his life meant now. As if any higher being listened to him, one day someone knocked at his door. Donghyuck Lee, one of his high school acquaintances.

Jeno is the most grateful for him. Donghyuck came at his parents home and sat by the couch next to him, played with Jisung’s little hands and told him he heard the news from someone they were both friends with in school and he was there for him, for everything he needed. Jeno back then needed a friend, someone that without understanding or truly empathizing with him could still try to be next to him. 

That’s how Donghyuck became “Uncle hyu” when Jisung started talking, how the other is considered a second son to his family and Jeno’s best friend. His family, Jisung and Donghyuck is all he has, and there’s not a day he takes it for granted. He took a friendly third part in Jeno’s small family, has his own life to lead with all his commitments yet he is there for them when they need it the most. 

For Jeno’s less hopeful and bubbly moods, for Jisung’s as well and all his important days since he was one. School recitals, first fallen teeth, first Christmas, or when he got injured scraping his knee very badly for the first time, rushing to the hospital as soon Jeno called anxiously. In a few not so absurd moments Jeno thought he would fall in love with him at some point, Donghyuck besides having the biggest heart also was and still keeps being a gorgeous man, but that's not the type of bond they have.

Jeno tried, many times, to accept a date. But it’s hard when you’re young, not that experienced and on a first date you have to mention a son. He would never date someone who can’t accept that part of him, or understand that no matter what he’ll always put his boy first. He’s heard many hurtful things, people he started dating more seriously telling him they were not ready to have the burden of a son that isn't theirs to start with taking decisions for their future. 

Jisung is lovely, and Jeno wants to erase all the pain he can get from his past. He started asking at some point, why he didn’t have a mother but two unknown grandparents sending them money from afar. They moved out, and Jeno is sure they give them enough to get Jisung’s needs through the month out of guilt or to not be involved legally.

For Jeno’s ex-girlfriend, he can only guess she's still alive somewhere, or he’d probably receive the news if she wasn't. He hopes she’s at least doing well, missing something so beautiful that brightens Jeno’s life endlessly for fourteen years now. Parenting is not all easy, yet the love he feels and gets from Jisung is incomparable.

Jeno sits the next day on his reclinable chair, wallet crying for all he paid yesterday and writing in his planner the parent’s evening hours at Jisung’s school after receiving a text from the parents group chat they have. He works in a small office, the design department of one of the most influential magazines in New York, working the framing and styling of the pages, all color patterns for each number and keeps the archive selecting and editing pictures at occasion.

He’s been working there for about four years now, and today the small office seems particularly frenetic, everyone running around the small space and the table at the center of their all glass windows with light blue shutters office is ignoring him completely when he asks if anyone wants a coffee. He shrugs his shoulder, neck making a sound that screams ‘You’re getting old’ as he stands up on his feet and walks to the better vending machine, ergo, not the one right outside the design department.

When he gets there he finds a man scanning water bottle choices as if it is the most important thing in the world. Jeno knows his opinion is debatable for most, but water tastes all the same so why is he pondering so much?

Jeno digits his coffee number on the machine, stealing a glance the man’s way. He’s damn good looking, that’s the only thing his tired eight am (sleep deprived for years) brain can process, and even more handsome as he smiles at him.

“Morning”. Jeno nods slightly at the low voice, hearing the familiar buzz of his coffee being made inside the big dark blue rectangular box. Only certainty he has to keep his eyes open for the whole morning.

The more he looks he notices the lean body – wide shoulders man is expensive, that watch on his wrist could pay his rent and more alone. Also the suit he’s wearing is most definitely very good fabric, Jeno figures he might be one of those businessmen they sometimes have to write articles about, or someone interested in their magazine to profit someway.

It’s not the first time, happens a lot around here. They’re a popular magazine, the building keeps many employees needed to fill in all tasks on the daily. There’s always something to do in the building, and Jeno is quite curious to know what long lashes, big eyes and perfectly white smile is doing today at their headquarters.

“I suggest number four”. Jeno says, taking another good glance at the man because he’s single and in need of recharging good looks before having his eyes consumed and sore in front of a computer screen. “Apparently they say it is better than all the other waters, but to me they taste the same”.

The man presses number four, keeps looking at him and Jeno feels seen, suddenly unsure of his bad posture or the way he’s standing on his feet holding that gaze.

“Thank you…?”. He tilts his head.

“Jeno Lee”. He stretches his hand for the other to shake; it’s soft, the grip confident. The man also smells good and Jeno really needs to go back to work and stop thirsting on a possible client. “Design department”.

“Oh, interesting”. Jaemin triumphantly takes the bottle, and Jeno feels extremely dumb for forgetting his coffee is ready and there’s a lady impatiently waiting for her turn, Jeno sends her an apologetic smile. 

“Have a good day”. Jeno turns and cringes at everything he did in the span of two minutes, he is terrible and truly needs to date someone if this is how he acts only seeing a stupidly and unreasonably breathtaking man. He also forgot to ask his name, so yeah, he met a nice stranger.

Jeno has to refrain from smashing his head on the computer screen when said man steps about an hour later in his office. It’s Jaemin Na, he looked familiar but Jeno had no idea or didn’t have time to link him to the very famous Jaemin Na owning three connected fashion brands that are insanely huge these days, a self made and very important business man.

He manages a clipped smile when their eyes cross again, wanting to disappear possibly being swallowed by the comfortable chair he’s been sitting on for so long his butt is turning flat and his spine is going to take the same curvature of the black leather more everyday.

Jaemin has to be interviewed today, probably already has been in the hour before their little encounter, now having a look around with their principal because “I’m quite a fan of yours”, he says. Jeno will soon receive the written down file of it to put to work in the segment they have in their magazine for promising faces and rising entrepreneurs, turning to the computer screen revising a few old files. That was the first of many encounters with Jaemin Na.

A few days later Jeno has a few free hours to keep approximately in shape running to Brooklyn’s clean sidewalks, checking his watch to see if he’s burned enough calories without feeling guilty as he eyes the usual bakery he buys from. Not only the food is good, also the staff is nice and the small shop is close to home, stomach growling without breakfast kicking in his system.

He’s slightly sweaty in his fitting black shirt and shorts, spotting like a fever dream Jaemin getting out the shop as Jeno is about to walk in. He lets out a small and embarrassed chuckle almost bumping into each other, stepping to the side to let him walk out properly. Jaemin seems to be having a free day as well, casually looking stripped off a suit and lacquered shoes.

“Brooklyn? I’m surprised”. Jeno says, feeling underdressed and gross in front of the handsome man, folding his arms as he rests his back to the wall behind him. Jaemin steps where he is, side by side both watching people walking and streets busy with cars.

“One of my dearest friends works here”. Jaemin smiles, the same dazzle that looks brighter outside where morning light and green trees frame him. “What about you?”.

“I live around here”. Jeno manages a smile back, feeling his pocket buzzing for the fifth time in a row, apologizing as he takes his phone out. “My son keeps storming me with texts”.

Jaemin looks surprised, lifting his eyebrows briefly gesturing to Jeno he doesn’t mind if he answers. Jisung forgot his notebook and has homework to hand in for an english literature class. He explains Jaemin, sighing as he eyes dreamily the bakery shop, maybe if he sprints he has time to grab something quickly and then run to change before work.

“Oh, does his mother work too?”. Jaemin innocently asks when Jeno explains briefly what’s going on, and he bites his lips at the question. Yeah, what a great and light conversation when you’re running out of time and you barely know someone.

“It’s just me and my son”. Jeno gives him a smile sadder than he intended. “Dealing with a lively fourteen year old is challenging, I have to admit”. He jokes, and Jaemin frowns, his hands fumbling.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to assume. You said he’s fourteen?”. Jaemin might not know his age but Jeno’s features make him look probably younger than he is, he doesn’t question the surprise; Jeno gets that a lot.

“Yeah, I had him very young”. Jeno chuckles, and looks at the time. Guess his bakery goods can wait for another time. “I really need to go”.

They say goodbye, Jeno running this time not for fitness but to complete tasks in his narrowing schedule, almost turning upside down Jisung’s entire room to find his notes, aware he has to tidy it later. He’s sprinting to the point of crawling on his office seat, big sigh and void of breakfast — or brunch at eleven o’ clock. 

Jungwoo sends him a pity glance, turning to type on his keyboard as he’s fighting with it, headphones playing Madonna’s music loudly they can all hear it. They pointed it out to him once thinking it would be something nice coworkers do, but Jungwoo doesn’t care.

He wants to cry. He doesn’t have the time to have lunch either, his boss calling him suddenly to change and fix a segment for the next number of the magazine she suddenly decided they want basically everything different from the original plan Jeno worked on in time to be more flexible between all he still has to do. It’s not the first nor the last time this happens, and Jeno isn’t selfish. He cares too much to leave anyway for lunch and squeeze all the work in later, trying his best to focus and get this done quickly.

The office is completely still, silent, and Jeno usually loves the rare occasions he stays more than necessary in the glass walls to finish something or reorganize the archive. Papers are scattered or piled by neater people on the central table, computers on stand-by with that animated graphic of bubbles moving around the screen, cardigans and empty coffee mugs on the personal desks.

Someone knocks on the door, Jeno recognizes the ticking of one of the secretary's high heels hitting their white floors, holding a bag from his usual bakery shop in hand and Jeno might be dying of hunger and dreaming of it when she says it’s for him, dropping it by his desk and there’s a small note with a bag full of different kinds of bread. 

Jeno gapes, mouth watering and he has at least the decency to wait and read the note first, figuring it’s there for a reason. And his heart picks up a quicker pace reading the name.

‘I felt bad for robbing your breakfast time, enjoy! - jaemin  
ps. next time ask for renjun and tell him you’re a friend of mine’

Jeno can’t hold back the smile threatening to open wider as he reads the note twice, peeking at what Jaemin bought him, almost groaning satisfied as he eats the first solid thing of the day, back pressing on the chair and closed eyes as he munches. Heaven, the bakery sells the best bread he’s ever tasted in his life and it’s a gift so it makes it even better.

He’ll find the occasion to thank Jaemin, knowing he’s coming in a few days back at their building to check the preview of the number. Jeno feels it’d be inappropriate to ask his boss for the man’s phone number.

He eventually gets back home for dinner, opening the heavy door after fighting his way through the traffic for half an hour, sore eyes burning between his lashes. He was fortunate today, and every time he’s in his car he thinks maybe public transport is quicker, saving the torture it is to be pressed between strangers’ bodies. He eyes Donghyuck cooking dinner, facing the stove and Jisung on his phone sitting at a kitchen stool, looking up when he hears the door closing.

“I have a crush”. Jeno announces, kissing Jisung’s cheek who will never admit he likes them, still gathering physical affection before he’s growing up too much and won't do it anymore. He acts like the usual teenager, wiping his cheeks with a hidden smile.

“You get platonic crushes to whoever breathes your way”. Donghyuck huffs, stirring something in the pot. 

“That’s so not true! Right, Jisung?”. Jeno looks betrayed at his son, pressing his lips together and clenching in his seat.

“That is kind of true. Sorry dad, but your last crush was the amazon dude that left a package for me the other day”.

“Great, my son thinks I’m a clown, what’s next?”. Jeno rolls his eyes, bumping Donghyuck’s hip out of the way, washing his hands and setting the table for them. He looks a bit too fancy in his clothes to stay for dinner, spotting makeup shading his eyes and the drop of highlighter sparkling on the highest point of his cheekbones. Well, the makeup is no news since he’s a model for cosmetics. If Jeno recalls well Donghyuck has the day off.

“Who’s the unfortunate one?”. Donghyuck watches him washing soap out of his hands, Jeno’s back facing him as he grabs some plates from the cupboard.

“Jaemin Na, you know the-”.

“The famous businessman? No shit, who doesn’t? Man is gorgeous and has money. I would fall on my knees for- sorry Jisung, cover your ears''.

“Alright uncle Hyuck”.

Jisung sighs, cheek held by his hand resting on the table. He pretends to cover his ears for them, only a few seconds, before typing again on his phone. Jeno hopes he’ll never face the day he finds his son’s twitter or something similar where he talks about their malfunctional family. The three of them are, Donghyuck always got called uncle but if there’s anything close to a second parent figure other than Jeno, he is.

“Why are we talking about that hunk anyway? Are you interviewing him?”.

“We are”. Jeno plays with the hem of the tissues, looking down at his slippers. “We kind of talked and bought me bread, he’s nice”.

“With all that money he better be”. Donghyuck snaps his tongue, making Jeno laugh. He also notices he’s removing his plate from the table, so Jeno guesses were right. Jeno plainly tells him he looks good tonight, Donghyuck takes off his apron after setting the pot for them and points the door. “I have a date, this guy asked me out so directly I got interested”.

Jeno whistles, slapping his arm playfully before sitting in front of Jisung. “Thank you for dinner, and text me if it goes well”. 

Jeno dozes off around midnight, Jisung already pressed against his shoulder drooling on his sweater but it doesn’t matter. He combs the thick black hair with his fingers, keeping him closer. Jisung is growing up so fast, seeming taller every week and his heart constricts thinking one day he won’t need him anymore. He is such a responsible child, who’s starting to keep his little secrets. He's fourteen and Jeno is not an overbearing parent, ready to patiently wait for the boy to open up to him.

Almost a whole new week passes, Jeno has to leave the office early to talk with Jisung’s teachers which is useless as they have those electronic registers for their grades where Jeno sees every grade and homework assigned, receiving almost daily at least one notification from his school.

Jeno knows Jisung doesn’t do too well with math and hates P.E with a passion without teachers or the accessible registers to inform him. His son tells him all the essentials preparing him for some potential disappointed teachers, saying he’s too tall and wobbly to dodge balls in time or there’s extremely smart calculators nowadays so he doesn’t need to be good at math. 

Jeno attends those meetings mainly because he hates the overly apprehensive teachers regarding their family situation, often stressing how hard it must be for him being a single parent as young as he is and Jeno simply likes to prove them wrong. It used to be worse, when Jeno was in his twenties and Jisung in elementary school.

Their family works just fine, Jisung has loving grandparents supporting him as well and Jeno can tell his child is happy. He never skips parents’ evening, if he does, everyone will think of poor Jisung and his young father. Jeno doesn’t want pity, neither sugar coated words people say simply to end up judging them in a more subtle way.

“Always running”. Jaemin says as they meet again by the elevator of his floor, Jeno twirls quickly a thick scarf around his neck and does a few steps back realizing he’s talking to him.

“Oh, hi”. Jeno rummages in his pocket to find Jaemin’s note, holding it to show him. “I was waiting to meet you and well, say thank you for this”.

“It’s nothing, really”. Jaemin moves a hand in dismissal at a lady who’s asking if she has to keep the elevator door open for them, both missing their chance to take it.

“No, it is, let me treat you for a drink. Obviously not now, I’m always running late”. Jeno tries to humor his nervous voice and searches for a pen to write down his number. He’s not sure how good or professional it is to ask a client out, albeit Jeno’s intentions aren’t ill. He really feels he owes him. Jaemin chuckles, giving him his phone instead unlocked on a new contact.

“Are you free tomorrow night?”. Jaemin asks as he takes his phone back, Jeno lingering by the door and does a rough mental check of his schedule.

“I think I am, yeah”. He mentions the elevator, and Jaemin nods, pressing the ring bell for him. Jeno hopelessly sighs, realizing he sounds quite ridiculous. “I’ll text you the details?”.

“Sure”. Jaemin winks, and Jeno might stumble on the floor. “See you, Jeno”.

When the elevator door closes and he’s surrounded by other people reaching the exit he shakes his head. Jaemin remembers his name, or probably read it a minute ago in the contact name he wrote down, it’s most likely that. Jeno doubts the man remembers it from their vending machine encounter. 

The next day comes, and Jeno warns Jisung a thousands of things he should be careful of, to check if the door it’s locked, not opening to anyone if someone knocks or rings at their door and if it is Donghyuck he needs to call him and make sure first instead of checking himself. The boy seems distressed by Jeno’s never ending list, telling him it is fine and he can live for a couple of hours alone, exactly like he does when he comes home from school and his father is still working.

He sends him off with a cheek kiss Jeno begs him to have, taking one last glance at his appearance in the small mirror hanging at the entrance. Jeno is wearing a coat Donghyuck chose for him, tried to dress up a little because he’s going out with Jaemin Na and chances he’ll feel out of place or underdressed are many. He scolds himself mentally, he’s too old to be this nervous about going out with a man. 

It’s not even a date, Jeno is just trying to be nice and do something back after Jaemin’s kindness, and that’s also a nice chance to chat with him and learn more about their client. Jeno is also ready to spend, he had no idea where to bring the man so Jaemin suggested a bar, and the uptight straining of nerves comes back as he spots him in front of the place.

It is one lavish bar, all black and white tables, booths and stools shining with luxury. White marble for the bar’s counter, lights on the paler side and music not too loud considering it’s still early and a regular day in the middle of the week. They take a seat, Jaemin guiding him with a hand at the small of his back and Jeno gets shy with it. Not really, he swims through awkwardness since years and he often thinks he’s lost the ability to truly be shy. 

He spots Jaemin greeting the barman after telling Jeno he’s coming back soon, both looking his way where he’s sitting and soon a waitress takes their orders. Jeno takes off his coat after Jaemin, keeping a hand in his lap and the other tracing his finger around the glass of his orange shaded cocktail, where a bit of white sugar isn’t completely smudged by his first sip had after a toast with the man.

Jeno has so many questions at the tip of his tongue, yet under the man’s pretty stare clouded by long eyelashes Jeno forgets all of them, cheekbones shaping in a real sheepish smile. 

“How long have you been working for the magazine?”. 

“Four years. It’s pretty enjoyable I guess”. Jeno looks at his glass. “Lost some extra eyesight and my neck hurts all the time but I still do it gladly”.

“I used to photograph and edit pictures a lot before my job stole all my hobbies, I get the thrill of it”. Jaemin looks at him getting progressively surprised behind his drink, taking another fruity sip.

They graze all topics and soon Jeno is more relaxed, second drink in hand and getting the charm everyone gushes about. Jaemin is a good talker, knows how to use his words, when he should smile and if it is calculated and led by his usual dealing with business, Jeno has to admit he’s great at making it seem natural.

Jaemin genuinely asks him about Jisung, he appreciates it. He gets a bit lost talking about him, some fond memories of when he was younger, without explaining too much, guessing it’s not the appropriate time to mention a missing mother in the picture. He does mention he had him at eighteen, and Jaemin’s face shapes into different expressions he recognizes as the usual empathizing he receives all the time, especially when he mentions he dropped university.

“I respect you a lot, and Jisung sounds like such a lovely kid”. Jaemin smiles, rests a palm on the glass table. “So, a young father. Single I suppose”. 

“Very single”. Jeno laughs, looking over the empty stage of the club, nibbling his bottom lip. “It’s not the easiest dating or finding someone, even now Jisung is growing up”.

“Do you think he wouldn’t be okay with it?”.

“Not at all. Jisung thought I was going on a date tonight and if he sees I am with a handsome man he’d call me crazy for not making a move”. Jeno wrinkles his nose, he’s not used to saying risky things or vaguely flirty. Fairly, he hasn’t done it in a while to the point he forgot how to do it.

Jaemin’s eyes glint with realization. Jeno mentioned a mother for obvious reasons, so now he’s just taking in he implied he likes men. He doesn’t seem bothered, and Jeno reads the news and hears office’s gossip to know Jaemin had a few dating scandals involving men, he figures he won’t mind his sexuality. They could be rumors anyway, exactly why he rolled his eyes at Jungwoo dressing up for work these days. 

“Handsome you say, I’m flattered”. Jaemin smiles, finishing his drink in a quick gulp, both looking at the empty glass. They’re probably leaving soon, Jeno doubts they’re having more than two drinks, and most definitely expensive ones he offered to pay. “It’s just not how I roll”.

Jeno stutters, flushing as he fumbles with one hand. “Oh, I wasn’t trying to assume anything, I-”.

“You guessed right, don’t worry”. Jaemin slides his fingers to the smooth surfaces of the table, busying in movements to fill that moment of Jeno’s panicked silence. “I don’t really do relationships, that’s it”.

“I asked you for a drink without any ill intentions if it worries you”.

“My fault, maybe I accepted with different expectations, I feel horrible”. Jaemin tries to laugh but he’s just covering the weird atmosphere, Jeno widens his eyes at the subtle confession. “You’re gorgeous Jeno, it’s very hard not to notice and I can tell you don’t realize it”.

It’s Jeno’s turn to feel flattered, and his cheeks sure get red this time, he’s terrible at this. Sure, Jaemin made it clear he’s in for everything that doesn’t revolve around commitment and in a way he gets it, it must be hard with a life like his to find reliable people or a stable relationship to protect from the media if it gets serious. But Jeno might need a little fun, and he hasn’t had it for long.

“I could use a distraction”. It’s out of his mouth, free in the space between them on the table and the sparkly club. 

Jaemin gazes fixed on him, hesitating and Jeno starts overthinking it. Maybe he’s read this wrong, Jaemin didn’t actually mean that and now he made it weird, god, it’s his client and if he ruins the magazine piece project he’ll never stop feeling guilty.

“How much time do you have?”.

“Tonight, not that much”. Jeno backs up. He’s unsure this is a good idea, Jaemin is impossibly handsome and he’ll definitely regret refusing a night with him as soon as he comes home. Leaving Jisung for the night without a warning or coming back too late isn’t part of his plans, he would feel bad. He’s a father with responsibilities, luckily Jaemin seems understanding. He won’t hold a grudge on him, and Jeno bites his lips. “I apologize”.

“Don’t, seriously, Jeno”. Jaemin huffs out a small laugh, resting back on the chair. “You’re not obliged”.

“Can I think about it? Or is it a take it or miss it chance?”. Jeno is joking, and his attempt seems to work, Jaemin relaxing with his set of straight white teeth glowing in the dimmed light club.

“If it ever crosses your mind, you have my number”.

Jeno takes a proper breath only once he sits in his car again. Jaemin refuses him to pay for the drinks, and the whole point of him asking the man out is thrown to nothing, getting out with another offered treat and Jeno feels he’s had so much happening in a few hours. He’s more than flattered, it’s not everyday someone like Jaemin is interested in him. Jeno wants to laugh because the man is exactly all he asks for when he jokes with Donghyuck about wanting a rich, hot man for himself.

If he ever dares to cross that line, Jaemin won’t be really his, only for less than an hour to part ways again. Jeno is scared of it, and that’s why he shuts that thought out until they won’t finish the number and end business with him. He wants to keep it friendly, as friendly a man suggesting he’d take you to their bed anytime you want is. He laughs at himself, he probably doesn’t have the guts to call or text Jaemin for it.

Albeit that internal gay awakening of slight regret mixed with a prideful spared walk of shame, Jaemin is amazing to talk to. Jeno ponders about it, to the point where he’s always a few steps to give in. It crosses his mind in the shower, cooking lunch for him and Jisung he almost burns his hand if it isn’t for his son swatting it far from the stove; as he sizes the written text parts of Jaemin’s interview and chooses one of the photos they took of him to include in his Indesign file.

Thankfully the day they show Jaemin the first printed copy of the next magazine number Jeno isn’t at work, celebrating with his team briefly the day it comes out officially on the market, finding everyone celebrating the success with a small paper cup of wine and in the crowded space of their compacted office, their boss.

She looks way too happy to see him, and as everyone is taking a small break to chat and flip through the finished product to which its sells are going well from day one, she corners him in the room. Jeno would fear her saying he’s fired or something similar, but she just pushes a copy of the magazine in his hands.

“Mr. Na asked about you the other day. Said you’re on friendly terms”. 

“Did he?”. Jeno smiles politely, turning the magazine in his hands where the cover he made with Jaemin’s appealing face stands between capital letters. 

“Give this to him yourself, it’s important to maintain contact with our clients”.

Jeno should try avoiding as much contact as he can with Jaemin, she doesn’t know the rest of it. He says he will, still an effective way to keep in good terms with his boss, but if he’s more honest, Jeno for some reason really wants to see Jaemin again. He sits at his desk accepting wine tasting like paper in that fake glass, bringing out his phone. His hands, besides being the same usual cold temperature, tremble slightly as he types, checking no one is really paying attention to him or his phone screen.

Jaemin has just gotten to the office, passing by where Jeno is working at the next number, jaw slightly dropping not expecting him to come right on the spot. His boss looks at him expectantly as she greets Jaemin, and Jeno pursues his lips in a wide eyed smile as the other rests his hands on his reclinable chair.

“I read your text”. He whispers, leaning just the right distance so he can address it to him only at the shell of his ear.

“I sent it for a reason”.

They don’t say much, Jeno gives him the magazine and then the man is mainly engaged with his boss, sharing some fluttery words he wants to roll his eyes at because Jaemin is such a pleaser, his own stomach flipping a few times in anticipation. Seeing the real thing, Jaemin right in his office with that trail of perfume, not having time to gather his thoughts about what’s going to happen next fluster him. It’s just sex, nothing he’s never done before — he has a son so that’s not unheard news.

Although Jeno sees Jaemin’s gaze, recognizes that kind of heavy look in his eyes. Almost predatory, scanning him over from where he’s trying to work but he feels those looks his way and it doesn’t take long before he abruptly gets up from the chair, excusing himself to the bathroom.

He’s washing his hands and trying to cool down when Jaemin walks in ruining all good intentions, snapping his head the man’s way. Jeno turns his body, hands pressing at the sink, spine straight.

“Long time no see, mh”. Jeno feels ridiculous for the way his voice comes out. Jaemin is around his same height, he can directly look at him but somehow he feels blocked by his wide shoulders and a smile a lot gentler than the situation allows forming in his lips.

“Do I make you nervous?”. He asks, taking one step closer.

“Everyone else would. And I haven’t done this in a long time”. Jeno feels Jaemin’s finger stroking the back of his hand, his nail scraping his skin so lightly it doesn’t even tickle. 

“Let me make it memorable then”. Jaemin leans closer, where he can capture Jeno’s lingering smell of coffee and wine, not the best combination he figures. “Are you okay with kissing?”.

Jeno’s hand guides Jaemin one to his waist, the other taking the hint to circle both of them as he nods. Jeno rests his own to the man’s chest, ending their mild space to press against warm lips. Jeno’s breath mingles heavy with Jaemin, air blocked with how soft Jaemin’s lips are, eyes fluttering shut with his mouth gaping enough for Jaemin to slide his tongue in, a sensual, languid flipping through his that has Jeno’s palms reach Jaemin’s neck to push him closer.

He takes a moment of rationality to pull out, checks no one is in the bathroom and takes a loud sigh, detaching his hands from Jaemin with blown eyes. He looks at him, petrified, only sliding a thumb to his own lips at how good such a short kiss can be with Jaemin who finds the audacity to smirk. Deliberate charmer.

“Call me when you’re off”. Jaemin’s hand lingers by his hip, giving it a slow stroke before he leaves, Jeno staring blankly and in utter shock at the stall door across from him. He hasn’t been kissed this purposefully in ages, stomach burning with it. If he had doubts, that’s the only push he needed to accept and follow Jaemin home later.

Jeno doesn’t have the time to admire Jaemin’s expensive flat, all wide open spaces and furniture that costs more than Jeno is brave to ask, too busy giving the man a hard time to answer his kisses, as if his time starving of any kind of closeness is finally crashing onto them tonight. They’re still in the middle of the living room, window showing all city lights gleaming inside the apartment, an open picture Jeno stares at as Jaemin takes off his clothes, Jeno lifting his arms up to ease him with the shirt.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”. Jeno cranes his neck, keeping Jaemin’s nape in his fingers as he bites the space right under his jaw. “Wanna do it here?”.

Jeno helps him out his clothes, kissing him to the couch, straddling Jaemin. The man has everything; respectful, kind, best kisser he’s ever met and also fit. Jeno does trace his hands more than necessary to his sculpted stomach, making him amused in a few shared glances.

“I’m here, but in a few conditions”. Jaemin looks at him, sliding hands to his ass to push him closer, Jeno repeating that friction alone a second time and they both make pleased noises, Jaemin’s palms are warm and falling behind his thighs in a way better contact than the one his boss suggested.

“I’m all ears”. Jaemin kisses his jaw, taking his slow time to each strip of skin as Jeno rocks his hips again, closing his eyes in a gasp. 

“After this I’ll run back home to my son, you’re an awesome kisser and probably an even greater hookup but I’m a father”. Jaemin laughs against his skin, humming positively as he licks his neck, sucks in a more discreet spot, a purple mark blooming fast. “Then condoms, you better have those Mr. Na”.

“All you need, darling. Those are easy requests''. Jaemin stretches his arm, grabbing a bottle of lube and Jeno is about to shy away as he warms it between his fingers, stiffening a bit where he’s sitting in Jaemin’s lap. He notices it, frowning and catching his lips. “I’m going to be slow, you said it’s been a while, I get it”.

“I might need a few extra minutes to adjust”. Jaemin keeps kissing him, whimpering in his mouth as he gets stretched and there’s a finger inside him, easily in with the lube’s slick. It has been more than a long time, Jeno isn’t used to it anymore. He’s almost never alone and he rarely pleasures himself, afraid of slipping noises his son doesn’t need to hear.

He relaxes, and Jaemin keeps working his way adding another finger, Jeno trying to meet his movements with a few dragged moans. The leather of the couch quickly forms sweat where their skin presses, a pool of it under them as it gets warmer with his heated breathing, fanning right on Jaemin’s cheek.

He distracts, stroking Jaemin’s length and having fun with the way the man stutters his fingers inside him when it gets good, getting some lube on his hand to help it. It’s all wet between them but none of them care, Jaemin’s voice moaning so vibrant in his chest Jeno starts thinking they’re both ready, looking for a condom in the same spot the man reached before.

“Ready?”. Jaemin talks against his neck, Jeno nodding and smirking as he pushes the condom package on his lips.

Jeno’s lashes flutter as he sinks on Jaemin’s dick, hissing at the wide stretch fingers can’t adjust to. Jaemin tells him to take his time, and he presses his curling fingers on the man’s shoulders, lifting his legs to sink back in, spine arching and head thrown back as Jaemin kisses him down his throat, slowly stopping the clenching that must be painful for him.

“Shit, you weren’t lying when you said it’s been long, huh”. Lube makes sloppy sounds of skin and squelching movements, Jeno answering with a careless moan. “Relax Jeno, we can go slower”.

“Kindest one night stand of my life”. Breathes Jeno, rocking his hips a few times with Jaemin deeper inside him, taking awfully slow before he lifts his legs again to ride him. They’re trying to laugh but they’re both too out of breath for it, only soaking in the feeling. Jeno relaxes, Jaemin helping him with his movements and it soon turns faster as he pushes his forehead down his shoulder and Jaemin’s hands grab his ass, spreading him.

It’s filthy, loud, no one can hear them. Isolated by lucid wide floors and a city view where no one pays attention to their microscopic bodies if there’s anyone able to see through the windows, too close to the sky from the high floor of the skyscraper Jaemin lives in. They don’t last long once they’re both slick and moving with quick snaps of hips, Jeno almost laughing at how ridicolously good sex with Jaemin is.

Jeno pulls out, catching his trembling legs as Jaemin throws out his condom, hand on his sweaty chest. He doesn’t want to take a look at himself, he’s sure hideous. Jaemin comes back with two towels, thanking him as he cleans up. Thankfully Jisung has school tomorrow, knowing he probably already got to sleep in his bed, and Jeno needs to find a creative way to not have him notice he smells like over eighteen and not make too much noise showering later.

“Want to shower?”. Jaemin asks, and Jeno gulps at the view. He’s been all over it until now, spent and still too handsome to be fair. It’s hard to avoid looking.

“Should I? I don’t want to bother you and I also can’t have Jisung see me like this”. Jeno stands up, more aware than before he’s naked and looks around to collect his scattered clothes.

Jaemin scoffs a laugh, guiding him to the bathroom. Jeno nods at the all white wooden and insanely big tub bathroom. Of course this room screams extra wealthy as well, and he wonders how it is to deem the luxury he has as normal. He stops Jaemin from looking for more stuff to lend Jeno; he’s only going to wash up quickly just back to decency, and then he’s going home.

Jeno is not used to leave Jisung alone late at night, and for Jaemin he already did it twice, feeling guiltier than ever getting out for something that can’t get more serious than a night of sex. Honestly Jeno doesn’t want more, he’s content now he got exactly what Jaemin offered. And they say goodbye later, Jeno insisting the other doesn’t have to accompany him down to the entrance, not with all those floors. The magazine job that involved the businessman with him in any possible way is over, and Jeno is sure they won’t see each other again. 

He has no doubts Donghyuck asks questions, a lot of those in the mix of a first excitedly screaming at him for finally getting laid. And when Jeno mentions it is Jaemin Na — and a warning when he specifically tells him to not freak out, Donghyuck almost pushes him off the chair. He freaks out.

It won’t happen again, he explains, Jeno just casually lingers to the thought sometimes, fresher the first few mornings when his body stings every time he sits. Jungwoo laughs at him from the two small hickeys and his limping around the office, everyone soon knows Jeno had sex. Someone congratulates him, others like Chenle (one of the translators and part of the foreign relations department for the magazine) are more curious and want to know if it’s someone from the office. Not directly, Jaemin Na was a client, Jeno has nothing to fear.

A boring Saturday late evening he’s eating pizza from the box with Jisung, the younger munching distracted at a piece of crust, watching some music awards show on the tv. He looks lost in his thoughts, and Jeno scrapes his scalp the way he does to comfort him with his clean hand, watching the small smile Jisung makes, a tight lift of his plump lips. 

Jeno’s heart swells for that smile, it's the best thing he can see, in every shape and stretch, teeth or no teeth — or some missing like the cute ones he gave him when he wasn’t taller than his knee’s area. He’d do anything to keep it alive, smiling back softly when he finally looks at him.

“Dad, I think I like someone. As in, like like”.

“Oh”. Jeno hugs him closer, curling at the boy who’s got a few inches taller recently. He fears the day he’ll stop growing, unsure where he got all that height from. “From your school?”.

“Yeah, I don't know how to talk to her now. It was easy but now I’m too shy”. Jisung grimaces, looking at him. “How do I let her know I like her without being weird?”.

Jeno soothes his back, running a hand back and forth his edgy spine. He clings to him like he rarely does, and Jeno takes the chance to soak a bit of his son’s love. They don't cuddle much anymore, and Jisung used to love hugs more than anything.

“Tell her something nice from time to time. That her hair looks good, you like her voice or she plays games well. Overwatch, is it the name of the game you play together? The things you guys do these days”.

“No one flirts like that anymore, dad”. Jisung chuckles, settling more comfortably pressed to his body. “I guess you're really turning old”. 

“I don't have many chances to flirt, as you say”. Jeno rolls his eyes, pretending he’s hurt. Jisung’s eyes are sparkly, knowing he’s about to say something that will put Jeno in trouble.

“I know you're lying”. He presses a finger to his neck, Jeno turning bright red, aware what Jisung is seeing. “I’m fourteen but I’m familiar with these”. 

“What do you mean you're familiar!”. Jeno fixes his posture in shock, turning to Jisung properly and the younger laughs, hands covering face and head thrown to the couch. 

“I’ve seen them in movies! I promise you I’m a good child”.

“You're too young for these things, you better”. Jeno narrows his eyes. He’s all in for important talks but hopes Jisung won't do anything rushed and not follow Jeno’s pace. Jisung is the biggest gift life could give him, albeit he wants him to not sacrifice important steps of his future like he did. Without having to grow up too fast, Jeno had to mature quickly and he hopes Jisung will keep his youthful naivety for longer.

“I bet grandpa said the same to you when you were my age but four years later I was in this world”. Jisung sticks his tongue out, whining as Jeno takes the pizza box out of his reach. “I’m starving”.

“No pizza for you, I’m gonna eat all of this”.

“Boring. I’m tall and skinny, I need food”. Jisung pouts, reaching closer and hooks his chin to Jeno’s shoulder. “Seriously, dad, do you have a boyfriend?”.

“I don't, your father is too old for a boyfriend”. What a funny word, boyfriend sounds so young, of years Jeno doesn't fit anymore. He’s aware technically he’s not old at all, it's just the life he has to make him feel he’s sprinted to the future and now has to see years pass behind him to catch up where he is with his age and its stages. Most people he knew started a family now, Jeno has a son in high school.

“There are many old gay men in Manhattan only, I can show you an esteem from google right in this moment”. Jeno stops Jisung from typing the real thing, chuckling.

“You're becoming scary the more you grow up, where's my sweet, sweet baby”. He falls onto the couch dramatically, Jisung sneaking the pizza back in his lap. Never missing a chance.

“He’s still here, asking how to impress a girl”.

“Dear god, help me”.

“We don't even believe in god, dad”.

“You're right”.

Jeno lives his same, boring, never ending working days cycle of life. Another day for his attempts at working out ending to the same stop contemplating if he should just be content with the calories burned by running or stop at the bakery and get mouth watering short-term pleasure. Jeno pushes the shop’s door open, breathing in the fresh smell of bread and flour, already anticipating his agonized breakfast. The shop follows all dark green and white colors, standing out in the long grey sidewalk as he runs there on his free mornings. 

Jeno eyes the counter, looks for what he can eat right on the spot and something to take back home for Jisung and Donghyuck to eat later. A man walks in to greet him taking his order, and Jeno spots the tag reading the familiar name Jaemin mentioned. 

“Hi, uhm, you’re Jaemin’s friend right?”. 

Renjun scans him, probably trying to recall if he’s seen him with Jaemin ever in his life. Jeno is nothing to the businessman, the question slips out of his mouth and he doesn’t care one bit about any discount the thin framed man can give him. He answers that he is, proceeding to fill the paper bag with what Jeno points out.

“Jaemin is in Paris for a few weeks, for a fashion show of his brand, you know how his job is”. Renjun furrows his eyebrows, dark brown curving into slanted lines. “You said your name is…?”.

“I didn’t”. Jeno smiles, taking the bag when Renjun gives him. “I’m Jeno. I worked with Jaemin for a magazine number. Neo Culture, I don’t know if you’re familiar with it”.

“Are you kidding me? There’s not a person who doesn’t”. Renjun smiles back, more brightly than the inquisitive eyes he had a few moments before. He’s wearing a green apron all dusted with flour, but the man is actually very good looking. Jeno wonders what Jaemin meant by being friends with Renjun. “So you became friends?”.

“Uh, you can say that”. Jeno smiles lifting the corner of his mouth up, and Renjun does a small huff of a laugh, accepting his card to pay. He seems to understand, an awful feeling he can read him like an open book. Jeno wonders if it is obvious he’s been one of Jaemin’s hookups.

“Do you have his number?”. 

“I do, why are you-”.

“Then you’re friends”. Renjun gives his card back, the place is not as crowded and no one is demanding the man’s attention, taking his time to tilt his head at him. “I bet you’re the one he bought bread here for”.

“I think it was me, yeah”. Jeno lifts the bag. “I love the bread you sell, I’m sure we’ll see each other soon again. Have a good day”.

“You too, and thank you”. Renjun waves as he exits the shop, the electronic bell on top of the door ringing a different sound than the one he hears as he enters.

Days keep passing, and one day Jeno’s heart almost jumps out his throat as he reads Jaemin’s name on his phone’s display name. Jeno is not one for texts or calls, almost forgets he has a number people can reach him at all times. He only has a different ringtone set for Jisung.

He’s sure his heart beats faster by the good memories of his time spent with Jaemin and he was so not expecting a call after all this time. And it is that curiosity eating him alive in the span of time as his phone rings that he picks up the call, answering an unsure “Hello”. Jeno hugs Donghyuck a couple of hours later for keeping Jisung company, the other teasing and telling him when the younger is not hearing to go get that expensive bank. 

Jaemin drives to his place, a green Lamborghini parked outside. Totally the worst car to pass unnoticed in Jeno’s street, and if Donghyuck is spying on him from the window he’s sure he’s going to have a lot to say when he comes back home. Jeno looks weird getting into the car, a few people passing there stopping to look at the car. 

Jeno finds Jaemin’s smile gleaming his way. He doesn’t say anything, looks at him with one hand on the steering wheel, and one falls on Jeno’s thigh, giving it a light squeeze. Weeks without hearing a word from him and Jeno struggles to say anything, the little friendly atmosphere they built has waited too long to feel like this is more than another hookup. At least one between two barely friends made him feel more at ease than this, and Jeno is sure Jaemin perceives all of his internal struggle when he’s making no effort hiding it.

“How are you?”. Jeno asks, looking over the window before Jaemin can answer. It must look out of place a Lamborghini waiting out of his apartment block.

“Good, I’ve been traveling for work”. Jaemin pats a hand on his leg. “I know the call is sudden”.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to”. Jeno gets more comfortable on the passenger seat to convince himself, stealing a glance at his apartment and back to smile at him. “Come on, let’s go”.

Jeno wants to tease Jaemin for how hard he’s trying to be polite and take time before approaching him in any way, rolling his eyes and pulling him by his tie as he’s looking for a glass of wine to offer, tongue sneaking in his mouth as Jaemin lifts the bottle of alcohol up, blindly resting it on the table kissing back. 

Jeno does his own ties often for fancier work occasions, taking it off and unbuttoning Jaemin’s dress shirt with ease, exposing skin and latching lips in a rather strong bite, fingers threading in the light brown hair as his mouth trails up back to his mouth. Jaemin takes a few seconds too long to move his own hands on his body, untucking Jeno’s black shirt from his jeans and roaming them under his it to feel his stomach.

Jeno threads the bottle of wine between them, biting his reddening glossy lips. “You’re hot but a drink sounds nice”.

Jaemin fills two chalices for them, and Jeno has taken his shirt off, sliding hands down his trousers and keeping his mouth lingering at the smooth skin of Jaemin’s shoulders. He rests his back to Jeno’s shoulder when Jeno strokes a hand around him, thumb circling at the tip to find a few drops of arousement that can help him make him feel good.

He’s doing a good job, distracting Jaemin and forgetting he asked for a drink first, sucking another bite at his neck. They turn dark faster each time he bites, and wonders if Jaemin is okay with it, ending up asking. He never stopped him once to question it.

Jaemin takes the chance to give him the glass, Jeno still completely dressed up. He starts to undone his belt, staring at him as Jeno drinks the wine.

“They usually put makeup on them if I need to look presentable”. 

“Poor makeup artists, you’re giving them a hard time”. 

“Mh, perhaps it is true, but I’m doing it to give you a good time. How does it sound?”.

“You’re talking a lot but I’m still here, untouched”.

Jeno doesn’t have to say it twice. This time falling on a proper bed and spreading his legs for Jaemin with the most sinful expression he can manage, figuring he got the right intention watching how his face changes, dragging him closer by taking his thighs, bending Jeno’s leg over his shoulder. Jaemin licks and bites a spot on his inner thigh and Jeno moans, thinking he missed how good Jaemin is with this.

They don’t go slow, Jeno not preparing himself properly and having Jaemin inside him not even two fingers in, burning stretch and a few pained sounds he doesn’t mind, replacing soon with good waves at the pit of his stomach, almost doing nothing sprawled on the sheets. He doesn’t care how selfish they both are with this, if they’re only there to reach their own pleasure and leave it. 

Jeno likes how hot and slippery Jaemin’s tongue is, the sloppy kiss wetting the corner of his mouth and his hands scraping the man’s back with every good fast snap of his hips. Jeno lays the same distraught way once they’re done, curling his hands to the white and puffy duvet bringing it closer to his face, smelling the nice fragrance of a softener.

He bustes Jaemin looking at him, laying on his side and Jeno’s body hurts all over but he likes it, could do it again if they both feel like it. He dares to ask why Jaemin is staring.

“Nothing, you’re just insanely gorgeous”. 

Jeno scoffs, looking up at the ceiling. He feels a hand trailing up his stomach, stroking his sides. He takes the hint and straddles Jaemin when he cups his waist and moves slightly towards him, framing Jaemin’s face to start a languid kiss. The apartment is silent, only the wet sounds of their mouths snapping in the room, some heavier breathing breaking in moans when Jaemin teases a finger around his sensitive rim.

“Ah I see, buttering me with compliments just because you want to fuck me again”.

“That’s the plan, but I mean it when I say you’re gorgeous”. Jaemin pushes the finger inside again, and Jeno gapes, lips opening and pressing to his mouth. He closes his eyes, meeting back his fingers, rolling his hips slowly and deeper.

“You’re not bad yourself”. He moans, making Jaemin laugh, that rough low sound of an overworked voice, not losing time to lock their lips again into another dirty kiss. The room is barely dim, and Jeno is actually too tired to do it all again, pressing his nose to Jaemin’s neck. “Can we just use your fingers? I’m dead tired, I’ll blow you later”.

“Wanna crash here? I don’t mind”.

“Is there anything you mind?”. Jeno starts thinking fingers aren’t enough as he has three spreading him open, reaching for another condom and Jaemin makes a stupid face at him, caressing his hair. The thing with Jaemin is, despite being a couple of one night stands, he’s sweet. He touches him, kisses him and clearly enjoying it he doesn’t feel bad once he walks back home.

“You're a nice company”. Jeno rolls his eyes in pleasure as he rides Jaemin again, hands sliding to his chest until his back is straight and sitting on him, appreciating the pressure at his hips even if Jaemin is doing nothing, leaving him to his own pace and needs. 

“Did you do this in France too?”. 

“I was too busy”. Jaemin smirks, grabbing his hips more firmly and helps him, the added pressure making him moan. “What, sweetie, are you jealous?”.

“You’re so full of yourself”. Jeno complains jokingly and somehow the businessman always ends up laughing, giving him confidence when he’s thought he was a boring one most of his life. “I’m just checking how likely it is for you to get an std”.

“Wow, how nice of you”. Jaemin flips them over, biting Jeno’s bottom lip. “I’m always careful, if it concerns you”.

Jeno does fall asleep later, spent on the bed and clinging at the duvet, progressively turning colder the more he stays there. It’s a short nap, and once he wakes up he asks Jaemin if he can drive him home. It’s not right for him to stay, now not really thinking obsessively of his son at home since he’s with Donghyuck but he knows he’s stepping boundaries if he sleeps and wakes up with Jaemin tomorrow.

The man has been clear he doesn’t want that from them and Jeno… he hasn’t had that attention in a long time, taking whatever the situation offers.

Jaemin takes him back to Brooklyn, and Jeno remembers to mention he did meet the infamous Renjun. He shares a few candids of when they were younger, the two men went to college together and they keep talking, sharing some bits of their past once they’re in front of Jeno’s house. Jaemin is amazed at how different their lives have been, and Jeno as he speaks realizes how much.

There’s always that confrontation from time to time, especially when he gets to know someone new he has the luck to go through the first polite talking stage. He skipped many steps with Jaemin for the nature of their relationship — if he can call it one. Jeno is a skipper to slowly achieve and get back to each point or most of them later, that’s how his life works. He is going to slowly learn more about Jaemin if they keep this going, until it lasts. Because Jeno knows things like this don’t last long.

He says goodbye, and his body stings with that uneasy sensation. They’re completely different people, with different lives on their backs. Jeno smiles brightly as he sees Jisung, hugs him as soon as he steps home. Jisung might wonder why he smells of someone who’s freshly got a shower, and his hair are still damp at his nape but told Jaemin he was ready to go so he could get home earlier and not give Donghyuck too much trouble, who he sees over the young boy’s shoulder winking at him.

Jaemin a week later shows up at his office, right during Jeno’s lunch break. His coworkers get alarmed to the point where even their boss knows he’s here, all sending him a suspicious look as Jaemin sits next to him on a moving chair, resting his elbow pressing to Jeno’s armrest. He looks nice, always does, a strong man cologne fragrancing his clothes, the typical greasy black leather jacket out of tune with how neat he smells.

“Can I steal you for your lunch break?”. 

They grab something to eat, walking around the park nearby. Jeno has only one hour, but his boss texts him and tells him he can take his time with Jaemin, never losing a chance to earn something from convient situations. Jeno doesn’t like the idea of explaining he has sex with Jaemin and that’s why the other sticks with him, or he’s the one still a bit of a prudish and scolding himself for getting under Jaemin so easily.

He jokes about his boss texting, and Jaemin shrugs his shoulders, asking instead how she likes her coffee. 

“She uses you, I use her. Neo Culture is an important magazine, it gives me visibility. It runs both ways”. Jaemin thanks the waiter giving him the extra macchiato for her and Jeno stops him from paying their orders, giving his card ahead of him. 

“You can do better than our magazine, we’re a small step to you”.

“Don’t underestimate the power your boss has, you’re extremely big in the states”. They walk out the shop, Jeno blowing air to cool down his burning watery and more decently than the vending machine drink. “Also I came here to hang out with some clothes on”.

“What, do you feel your conscience is dirty, Jaemin?”. Jeno smirks, hiding his face in the big coffee cup.

“I know you’re okay with this. It’s just that you’re nice, and we can have a conversation without jumping on each other. Also you seemed the type to never fool around, I was already hopeless with you”. Jaemin bumps their hips together, and Jeno licks the taste of coffee left on his lips.

“I thought I was too, you know. I’m not sure a relationship would work, adding someone in the picture. It has always been Jisung and I, all those years”.

“I get it”. Jaemin gives him a mild smile, gesturing at a bench for them to sit. “Actually I don’t think I truly do, I don’t have a child nor I raised him alone. You’re great Jeno. I think Jisung would like you to build a future with someone new”.

“He keeps asking me if I have a secret boyfriend”. Jeno chuckles, stirring the coffee moving his wrist in circles. “That’s why I didn’t let you inside the other day, I don’t want to give him false hope. I know he’d be happy, if I ever show up with someone it has to be the one, that’s my wish”.

“I’d like to meet Jisung though, he seems such a sweet boy”. Jaemin lifts his eyebrows slyly, mirth in his eyes as he looks at Jeno. “You can tell I’m dad’s friend, he doesn’t have to know the rest”.

“He absolutely can’t hear any of it”. Jeno points at his chest, slightly panicked and Jaemin squeezes his eyes in amusement, promising he won’t say anything compromising. They fall into a comfortable silence for long, listening to the giggles of some kids getting out of school and the chirping of birds. It’s cold, but the early evening sun warms up their bodies hugged by the slightest freezing wind.

“Are you free tonight?”. Jaemin asks, his fingers curling on top of his inner thigh, Jeno opening his leg discreetly and oh they’re gross. He’s never met someone so endearing and hauling Jeno to do anything as he does. 

“How desperate do I sound if I say I am?”. He says, voice low, pressing his lips as Jaemin turns his way with that same wanting stare that never falters when they’re together intimately.

“As desperate as I sound everytime I ask”.

Time flies with Jaemin, and soon the man is waving at his coworkers and him before he leaves in his car. He gets flooded with questions all evening, most asking if his recent hickeys are from Jaemin. Jeno lies, repeatedly, and it gets funnier as everyone stops believing him and gets more convinced he sleeps with the man. Jungwoo whispers once they’re back to work he should ask Jaemin for expensive things, to not shy away from the ones who have money. 

Typical Jungwoo, and Jeno might joke about the whole sugar daddy dilemma but Jaemin is genuinely one of the nicest people he can have around. And they have a lot of fun in the meanwhile. It’s a winning situation from all points of view.

The night Jeno comes with his own car to avoid having Jaemin driving back and forth whenever they meet, there’s no rush and his cheek and stomach hurt from how much he’s been laughing. They decided to truly try and have a talk with drinks in hand, sitting at the wide couch with the city view and they easily fall into conversation, somehow turning to stories of their daily lives and some anecdotes that have Jeno keep shaking his shoulders with laughs, falling forward onto Jaemin’s body.

“Please”. He almost sobs with how hard he laughs “I’m going to pee if you don’t stop”.

“Do you really think it’s that funny?”. Jaemin is laughing as well, slowly calming down while Jeno keeps tearing up with a story about Renjun the man shares, a holiday they spent together and some miscommunications in a foreign country they had. He threads his hand in Jeno’s hair, plays with his ears as he wipes his tears, cheeks sore and preening at the attention.

Jeno throws his leg between Jaemin’s, sliding closer to the couch and Jaemin helps him by taking his hips, resting their glasses on the coffee table. It’s easy to rest his palm on Jaemin’s cheek or linger touches less desperate and not only driven by sex. They’re becoming friends, and Jeno is growing more comfortable with him, finding nothing he dislikes in Jaemin.

He strokes Jaemin’s cheek, hand under his easy house shirt to slide at his fit body, tongue slowly searching for him, Jaemin’s hand closing around his thigh. Jeno thinks they forget, there’s no clothes discarded on the floor, just the nice and warm mingling of breaths and tongues forming dropping spit down the corner of his mouth, not wanting to pull yet. 

Jeno buries his hands under Jaemin's shirt, shifts enough to straddle him properly as he’s been doing often, and soon also Jaemin’s hands are roaming the space of his spine under his hoodie. Jeno makes a relaxed noise, mitigating on the other’s body, breathing noisily in light moans the wet trail of Jaemin’s lips stained with spit down his chin to his throat, leaving some very visible marks.

“Your hands are always so cold”. Jaemin tells him as Jeno fumbles with the zip of his pants, lifting his thighs up to help him out of those, kneeling in front of him and parting his legs to settle in between.

“I have low blood pressure, it’s nothing special”. Jeno pulls Jaemin’s cock out of his underwear, giving it a sluggish lick. Jaemin is quite important in size, Jeno got it from their first time when he had a hard time adjusting to it, but if there’s something that made Jeno sure he also liked men back in the days, was finding out he enjoyed his mouth working his way down, like he’s doing with Jaemin right now a little too much.

Jaemin’s hands are nestling in his hair, moaning about them being soft, and Jeno encourages him to push his head deeper as he likes it after seeing him restraining from doing that. Jeno looks up, eyes watery for a different reason now, trying his best to breathe through his nose. Jaemin stops and wants to have him pull out but Jeno shakes his head at his best and keeps going, making him groan back to the couch.

“You’re a dream, you can’t possibly be real”.

Jeno would like to laugh but soon Jaemin cums in his mouth, closing his eyes to swallow as much as he can, feeling the grip in his hair loose and Jaemin taps his cheek, helping him up and sitting on his lap again. Jaemin is sweet, leaning to kiss him again and Jeno wonders if the man ever craves something stable in his life, considering he likes to be so lenient to him and probably everyone else he sleeps with.

Soon after Jaemin wants to please Jeno back, stopping him when between their making out the other cups his crotch. Jeno takes his hands away, holds them in his own.

“Did I do something wrong?”. Jaemin nudges his nose against his, and it’s so pure Jeno’s stomach flips. He recognizes that feeling, and it’s so haphazard in that moment he doesn’t stop to think about it much.

“No, it’s just-”. Jeno rests his palms on Jaemin’s chest, a mention of a smile. “I had a nice night, we laughed a lot and I’m already content. I don’t want you to feel like you owe me if I give you a blowjob”.

“It’s not because I owe you”. Jaemin huffs out a laugh, incredulous. “I have fun with you, Jeno. You can come up with anything you want to try and we can do it, I want you to have that kind of freedom with me if we’re seeing each other like this”.

“Never had this kind of friendship”. Jeno turns his head in a shy smile as Jaemin kisses his neck all confidently, still letting him be and do literally anything. 

“You’re doing amazing so far”. Jeno holds his chin between two fingers, reciprocates the start of another heated kiss, ending up under him as they always do, rules — unspoken ones, settled.

Jisung gets noisy, complaining about his father keeping secrets from him. He’s right, and Jeno feels sorry for that. He said he’s going to introduce Jaemin as a friend, because that’s what they are at the end of kisses or any really good night in his apartment. They turn into many, Jeno often goes out and Jisung has all the right to ask.

That’s his father leaving him at night and one of those Jeno stops Jaemin before he can do anything, after being a tense mess since he left and got at his place. Donghyuck is with him tonight, more than safe in his hands and Jisung loves to be with his uncle but guilt is eating Jeno alive. Most kids Jisung’s age would jump with joy without their parents around, although not all kids have what he and Jisung have. Their bond is something too strong, on the brink of unbreakable and Jeno for some reason can’t stand leaving him alone tonight.

Jaemin is understanding, grabs his hand and guides him to the car, bringing him home. Jeno doesn’t know why he asks. Maybe they already had a sort of talk about it, or now he feels bad for stooding Jaemin up. He asks him to come inside, meet Jisung and his best friend if he wants to.

Of course Jeno’s apartment belongs to a completely different world. Light parquet, a small living room right as they step inside and a kitchen on the left. Everything is of compacted size, a narrow corridor where there’s a bathroom, Jisung’s room — the biggest room of the house and then Jeno’s master bedroom. He has a double bed wedged in the small room, never caring because he sleeps alone and there’s no one else who can complain for the lack of space. It is enough for them, and that’s what Jeno can afford to don’t feel tight with other costs that are more important. Along these, Jisung’s education and health care.

Not a big one but it is homey, lights dim where Jisung and Donghyuck raise their heads up from the door opening unusually early, the older shocked seeing Jaemin Na walking into their apartment as it’s daily occurrence. Jisung smiles, a little too excited so Jeno clears his throat, gestures the man’s way as his son gets up.

“This is Jaemin, dad’s friend”. 

“Nice to meet you Jisung”. Jaemin smiles brightly at Jeno, introducing him as they joked about, not having the time to move or shake Donghyuck’s hand that Jisung is narrowing his eyes, studying him.

“You’re too good looking to be only dad’s friend”.

“Okay”. Jeno hugs Jisung, clinging at him and Jaemin is amused to see the fourteen year old getting shy and trying to escape his father’s attention with a whine. “Donghyuck, my best friend and Jisung’s uncle”.

The two share a long stare, Jaemin particularly trying to reconnect Donghyuck to a familiar face, that’s the look he gives the other as they shake hands in greeting. Jeno offers Jaemin water, orange juice and literally anything he can get from his fridge and the other gives him a genuine laugh before opting for orange juice, Jisung joining them.

Jaemin adores him, and he quickly sees that falling gaze full of adoration for the boy. Jisung is curious, very, maybe a little too much and Jeno has to find ways to shut him up. He asks Jaemin all kinds of questions. How it is to be rich, if he respects women, what he thinks of his favorite movies and if he’s ever seen them. Jaemin jokes and tells him he should be an interviewer with that fast pace but Jeno is shocked, because Jisung is usually quite shy with strangers.

“Do you find my dad attractive?”. He asks finally, the bold question made with innocent eyes and hand holding his cheek, catching Donghyuck about to explode in a laugh at Jaemin’s first ounce of surprise, blinking a few times and glancing up at Jeno.

“Yeah, I mean, your father is handsome”. 

“Are you his new boyfriend he always goes out with?”.

“Jisung!”. Jeno scolds and Jaemin moves a hand dismissively before he can say anything else, smiling sweetly at the boy.

“Jeno is a dear friend, but now tell me about you. Your dad said you self taught hip hop moves and you’re amazing. Wanna teach me some of them?”.

Jeno has to add Jaemin’s amazing dancing skills to the list of unfairly good traits he has, after Jisung gives him a betrayed look for exposing the times he’s found Jisung in his room dancing. Donghyuck is about to say something when the man leaves after the night but Jeno stops him before any sound can leave his mouth. He doesn’t want to hear any of it. Jaemin starts stopping by their place since that day and bonds with Jisung quickly, Jeno fearing how close the boy is getting to him.

And if Jeno allows his emotions to be more exposed, he starts fearing how close he’s growing to Jaemin. When what they have was only inside the almost aseptic apartment of the businessman, Jeno could detach more to the comfort Jaemin Na is. As soon as he sees him interact and being loved by his entire life in the form of giggling eyes asking often for Jaemin to come over, Jeno is weak. Of a fragility that makes it hard to leave Jaemin after being together.

Jaemin, Jeno thinks, really enjoys staying at their place. He often offers to cook dinner for them — he’s an amazing cook, on top of everything else. He bears with Jisung’s endless energy, playing games together or helping him with homework as Jeno washes the dishes or it is the opposite. Jaemin is always around them, domestic, and Donghyuck starts to point it out.

He can’t blame him, this is the first time in fourteen years Jeno brings someone home and is more present in Jisung’s life than his biological mother has ever been. Jeno eventually and stupidly does catch feelings, aware he’s lost in those dazzling smiles, shivers more to simple touches and longs for moments like tonight, after tucking Jisung back to sleep who had an headache all day and is deep asleep in bed after taking a medicine, walking back in the living room and closing his door. 

Jaemin stands against the wall with his arms folded, one moving to curl around Jeno’s arm in a comforting light squeeze. They both helped him do the stack of unfinished homework, some geometric design boards for a class he’s taking, still unsure why someone who’s as bad as Jisung is at math is taking that one course. Both slumping on the coffee table or the kitchen one, rulers of every shape and compass in hand reading the steps from the textbook for the past two hours.

“You should go to sleep, Jaem''. Jeno smiles distraught, hours of work and Jisung’s homework killing his sore body, smoothing Jaemin’s wrinkling shirt with his palms.

Jaemin catches his waist and pulls him close, Jeno’s gaze falling immediately to his lips. Heart and stomach messing up his brain, his whole body responding to all the man does. Jeno crawls his fingers around Jaemin’s ear, tilting his head sharing a look that’s too fond, a confession itself. 

I can’t let go of you easily anymore Jaemin. I’m here telling you to go home for the sake of not breaking my heart to the thinnest and most fragile pieces left for me to pick up once you’ll be tired of me — that’s what his brain screams in that painful silence twisting inside his stomach.

“Can I stay here? I’ll make something warm for Jisung tomorrow”. 

Jeno can’t hold it back, he kisses Jaemin. This is not part of their agreement, the kiss has no reason to happen. He can’t tell if it’s Jaemin always caring so much about Jisung, or taking care of Jeno in the meanwhile as he stresses to keep his son happy without even noticing, taking a figure and a spot in his small family that’s too dangerously precarious for the relationship they have.

It doesn’t matter until Jaemin kisses back, with that same drawn, shaping with his digits the entirety of his spine back around his nape to keep his tongue connected in that pool of warmth that’s getting harder to leave. Jeno closes his eyes, and slowly his mouth feels numb, fatigue to kiss him and eyes heavier. He’s exhausted.

It’s also not part of their agreement to have Jaemin undressing Jeno with that gentleness, hugging him under the blanket of his bed, bringing his sleeping head to his chest and feeling Jaemin’s breathing on top of his hair. Not part of their deal, to keep looking for his lips even when Jeno is basically already sleeping, dropping all tentatives and finding his lips sticking to the man’s cheek, tangled brown locks in a loose fist.

Jeno hums happily as Jaemin finds his way to kiss him a few times more, the only one making an effort to press his lips to Jeno’s already puffed out fighting sleepiness. 

“Always kissing me-”. He tries to mumble something coherent, trying not to close his eyes and raise his head slightly back to Jaemin’s lips. “ ‘s okay, I like it”.

“I like it too, Jen”. Jaemin pecks him again, feeling a stroke on his cheek after he finally closes his eyes. “Sleep well”.

Jeno keeps rubbing his eyes leaving exasperated sighs, Donghyuck sending him a glare after telling for the third time he’s insufferable. He’s not wrong, and Jeno had overall a bad day; he has the right to be a brooding office man on a lunch break. They stopped at a small restaurant after inspecting the interesting menu options, and the place is pretty.

There are some thick rain drops hitting the windows in a calming rambling, Jeno listens to it as his food is half untouched. He wanted to ask some of his coworkers to eat together; the truth is he’s spent all of last week with Jaemin during his breaks, daily knocking at his office door and when Jeno said people were getting suspicious, he simply started to wait for him outside. But a lamborghini is a bit out of the ordinary to see in their parking lot, and everyone figured it was Jaemin again, recognizing the car.

So today, running from questions Jeno doesn’t know how to answer or the reality of it weighs heavy in his stomach he gladly went out with Donghyuck, who is out of the first photoshoot of the day, golden makeup that doesn’t shine as much under today’s grey lights.

“I’m screwed Hyuck, I don’t know what to do”. Jeno sighs again, a final one, Donghyuck losing patience but now he gives a lenient gaze.

“Look, Jaemin is amazing, and I’m sure you’re so into him especially now Jisung practically loves him. But Jaemin has been honest, Jen, he offered you what he could and you accepted so now it’s up to you”.

“I can’t erase him from my life. See? This is what I was afraid of, and why I never let people slip in my life and Jaemin is taking this big, permanent spot”. Jeno fumbles between them, tugging slightly at his black hair. “And I don’t want to ignore him either, Jisung would be sad”.

“I want you to be honest, Jeno. If it wasn’t for him going so well along with your son, would you feel the same? Is there anything else that made you change your mind so drastically?”.

“You saw how he is”.

“But I don’t know him like you do”. Donghyuck looks at him, that kind of look that means he won’t judge, Jeno can open up to him. 

They’re just them in this restaurant where no one cares if they’re talking about politics or their love lives. Rain keeps falling harder, and Jeno doesn’t have an umbrella. Stupid rain and stupid thoughts falling on him exactly like the thick drops of water are going to do when he gets out of the restaurant.

“Jaemin is kind, and I-”. Jeno hesitates, Donghyuck smiling at him. He needs to open up, sharing feelings is good. “We laugh a lot together, it’s refreshing, and I haven’t got something this good since forever. He was honest with what he wants from me since the start but I want him in my life, it’s been brighter with him”.

“You need stability in your life, Jeno. And if your friendship with Jaemin is in a way a standing point, keep him close, it’s good you’re happy with him. I just want you to keep in mind what you guys are, so you won’t end up hurting”.

Jeno keeps it in mind. Has to do it almost maniacally to avoid slipping for Jaemin’s sweet words, how he holds him and takes care of his family. Jisung some days later comes into the kitchen, an unsure look on his face as he slides a paper Jeno’s way.

It’s a permit to sign for a school trip to go skiing, Jeno already heard a part of the plan in the messages of the parents’ group chat. This month has been rough, Jeno has still to pay a lot of bills and deadlines, also the money Jisung’s mother sends are spent for the boy and his heart constricts at the thought of not being able to let him go on the trip.

He’s sure Jisung knows, he can tell in the unsure and sorry eyes even for reminding him about it, and Jeno presses his lips apologetically. If it was happening at another time, Jeno would be able to pay for it, they just chose the wrong timing to schedule the payments. Jisung hugs him and tells him it is okay. Being a single dad with a stable job allows him to raise his son well, but sometimes some sacrifices must be made. And oh it hurts when he does, more than all he sacrificed in his own life.

There’s a knock on the door and Jeno opens to find Jaemin, gleaming smile and walking to the kitchen to peck Jisung’s cheek. The boy takes his backpack in hand, soaks Jaemin’s hug a few seconds more — he’ll never admit it but he truly loves them.

“Sorry”. He tells Jeno, and his smile drops, hugging him tightly again, framing Jisung’s face.

“No baby, I am-”. He glances up at Jaemin watching them curiously, sighing with a smile. “We’ll talk later, have fun with your friends”.

Jeno doesn’t have the time to close the door and fix his worry with an easy smile that Jaemin is there, holding his hand on top of his on the table. He leans in, tries to take a look at Jeno turning his head to avoid those eyes, this is a part of his life he doesn’t want him to see. It’s personal, something he’s been dealing with Jisung and his family alone all this time, and he never likes to act like a victim or receive pity. 

“Hey, what’s going on with Jisung?”. Jaemin cups his cheek, and his eyes and face stumbles back, apologizing. “It’s not my business, I know-”.

“It’s okay Jaem, don’t worry”. Jeno leans in his palm anyway, taking in Jaemin’s patient look. Seems like he just got out of the house to come here, still early evening and Jisung is out to work on a school project with his friends. Jeno trusts Jaemin, and as he looks at his reassuring, honest eyes Jeno feels he can talk without being judged, maybe Jaemin is the right person to open up.

“I don’t like seeing you sad”.

That sounds a lot like Jaemin cares. Jeno wants to scream because Jaemin does in fact care, and never restrains from showing it. His face and the gentle touches on his cheek is a breath of fresh air, one where Jeno inhales noisily before he speaks.

“This month has been rough, and Jisung has an expensive school trip he’d love to go to but he’s such a polite boy and won’t ever make me feel bad about not going, but I do. I’m not asking anything with this, really, I just need it out”. Jeno bites his lips red, warm brown staring at him silently to let him finish. “No matter how hard I work it feels like I’m never doing enough to make him happy. He’s my entire life, Jaem. I feel bad”.

Jaemin slides his thumb on Jeno’s cheekbone, grazes the spot where he has a mole, one he usually kisses when they’re slower in bed. Jeno follows his movements, Jaemin reaches for the paper permit and reads the costs. They need to rent everything to ski, board and lodging, the train taking them there, there’s a lot Jeno needs to cover for.

“Let me pay for it”. Jaemin licks his lips, mentioning a smile at the face Jeno makes, a scold to prove again he didn’t say it to have Jaemin fix it for him. “I don’t mind, Jeno, I have a useless amount of money and I adore Jisung. It’s a gift”.

Jaemin latches his arms around his waist, stepping closer to press a slow kiss at his jaw, same familiar lips mapping skin and leaving purple bruises on his neck albeit this time they’re trying to comfort him, Jeno closes his eyes at the touch. “So?”.

“Never thought I’d get myself a sugar daddy at age thirty-three”. Jeno teases and Jaemin chuckles on his neck, lifting Jeno up in his arms and walks them to his room.

The weather is still terrible, glowing the bedroom in pale greyish lights, too dark to be three in the evening. Jeno lets Jaemin undress him, both with uncomplicated clothes easily leaving their skin naked, lashes clouding his sight at the smooth touches of Jaemin’s fingers pressing everywhere.

Jaemin rests his back on the headboard, and Jeno takes the chance to straddle the boy, his favorite way to stay close to Jaemin because he can soak in his face and he likes how warm his tangled arms around his middle are. It’s probably too intimate, and someone else who’s not them might question why they’re so languid, losing time to be kissed and twirl his tongue in Jaemin’s mouth just how he likes it, shivering at every throaty sound Jaemin makes.

He loves when Jaemin loosen up and doesn’t look as calculated and confident as he was the first times they started this, currently with eyes half closed from the way Jeno’s fingers tickle in his hair, scraping lightly at his nape, giving Jeno blind kisses where he finds strips of his face. This is the worst part, where Jeno’s stomach moves almost nauseous with how much he longs for these touches.

They’re turning intimately soft, and from Jeno’s part he’s having real feelings worsening how delicate he is, in the same movements of a one night stand but now he cares to have Jaemin feeling good first, could renounce his own needs for him to moan the way he likes hearing; gone and trusting. Jaemin is stroking his length in a few busier kisses when Jeno holds his hand.

Jaemin opens one eye, eyebrow raising. “Isn’t Jisung out all evening?”.

“He is”. Jeno smiles, moving his sore neck in a circle and smacks his lips. “It’s just that I don’t have a condom, or lube or anything helpful”.

“Are you clean?”. Jaemin licks his lips, bringing Jeno closer by his nape. “We could do it without it”.

That’s... that’s a red flag, Jeno knows. He’s tempted, and it has crossed his mind more often than said but the idea of actually doing it messes all lines from a fuck with benefits to real intimacy. At least to him, maybe Jaemin doesn’t care as much, probably means nothing that’s why he’s asking so freely.

“I am, are you?”. Jeno looks down at their bodies and Jaemin has goosebumps all over his arms, it must be cold. “Are you sure? You always say you’re careful and do it only with protection”.

“I’ve only had sex with you in months, I think we’re fine”.

Jeno’s stomach twists again, that is something he didn’t know he needed to hear. It doesn’t change anything, really, albeit Jeno’s heart feels reassured. Safer, and enough to nod at Jaemin and take his fingers in his mouth to wet them, looking up at the man. Jaemin sucks in a breath, Jeno’s eyes closing and whining when Jaemin strokes him with his free hand.

Jaemin feels different, and he can tell it’s so much better with how real and bare of layers this is, Jeno a bit too gone for it, slick in the warm and tighter space he gives Jaemin, both impatient and rushing it to the point, a weird feeling of regret Jeno feels that has both of them slowing down after a first quick and good thrusts in him. 

They’re fast coated in sweat, between their pressed legs, in Jaemin’s palms sliding and finding space right under his shoulders, Jeno leaving some guttural and long noises when he sinks in a good spot, gasping in his neck, hands framing the space of Jaemin’s neck under his jaw, cold digits finding more sweat and a musk of fading cologne and shampoo.

“You’re so good like this, Jaem-”. He barely says his name, his throat pressing tightly until it leaves another sound, arching his spine to meet back Jaemin thrusting up, noses clashing and both gaping filthy noises that make Jeno tremble. 

Jaemin kisses him, not an ounce of teeth and just tongues kneaded with sloppy movements, Jeno’s spine bending back as the other kisses him forward. The angle has Jeno break the kiss with a loud gasp, hands gripping down his shoulder blades.

“Found it”. Laughs briefly Jaemin, and tries to keep the bending with one hand and another behind’s Jeno ass to help him rock his hips on him, trying to move faster and he can tell from the stuttering body and twitching hands of Jaemin he is close, and Jeno is too. He probably looks ugly grimacing in pleasure, he sometimes gets insecure, gaping and contorting his face whenever it gets good but Jaemin always looks at him with those sultry eyes and his worries falter enough to stop thinking about it.

“Come inside me”. Jeno drags out of his lips, and it doesn’t take long after a course and a praise at him that Jaemin spills in his body, the sensation something he’s never had, filling and stuffy with Jaemin’s pounding in him, making Jeno weakly lay on his chest, dirty with his own release between their pressed bodies. 

Another red flag, Jaemin didn’t even question pulling out and now he’s caught in the most intimate moment of his life since he broke up with Jisung’s mother, taking his breath but also finding a way to not lose his heart in the gooey smile Jaemin gives him.

They calm down, cleaning up messily to crash on the bed some more, they have time and Jisung won’t come home for at least another hour, he’s sent him a text. Jeno fears the boy knows what they do, they sometimes had sex very late at night where the boy was most definitely asleep, minding to be quiet and door locked. 

His bed has a hard handstand that gets noisy and thumping when Jeno shifts in his bed alone, and Jisung is a boy growing up who watches tv shows and is exposed to anything on the internet if he wants to. He knows it’s not a coincidence his father and the handsome man that is at their house almost daily have both hickeys after sleeping together. He mentions it to Jaemin, arm slung on his body and a hand giving gentle caresses to his stomach. Jeno presses his back to the man’s chest, warm under the sheets.

Jaemin lips are ghosting where Jeno’s cheek ends and his ear presses to Jaemin’s face, pursuing his lips lightly and they stick there in what is supposed to be a kiss. Jeno is afraid of the day he won’t receive these little careful attentions anymore, which are what make his time with Jaemin so special when technically none of them is obliged to do so.

“I can’t have children. I’ve done many tests and they all say the same, there’s not a chance”.

Jeno turns in the man’s arms, holding his face. This is something very personal and delicate of Jaemin’s life and he doesn’t know what to say. Not when Jeno has his own son.

“That’s also why, especially with women, I could never bring any of my relationships further than a few months. And Jisung is so special, I’m happy to give him what I could never do with my own children. I want to pay for his school trip, I want to contribute to his happiness”. 

“You’re so special Jaemin, are you aware?”. 

“I get that a lot as Jaemin Na, the businessman. Not really as just Jaemin”.

Jeno presses their foreheads together, smiles widely at him. “I think just Jaemin is the best person I could meet”.

Life moves quicker and slower without giving him any explanations of the subjectivity of time, leaving Jeno wandering lost on a plodding sunny day of late March. He doesn’t know where he’s going, shoes darkening with the remnants of rain puddles after all those stormy days. Jeno feels consumed, heart and stomach burning at the thought of Jaemin, haunting his head when he stops and stares at the chaos New York is. Vibrant chaos of different ethnicities, voices in different languages of tourists and artists busking for small crowds to form enjoying the show. Life in all ages, colors and walking people move Jeno with the flow.

There’s not a place in his body that hasn’t been touched and kissed by Jaemin, cheeks blushing at the way they had sex before Jaemin left for a week of work in Los Angeles. How he convinced him to sit on the man’s face, after some shy complaining but when Jaemin worked his tongue in him nothing made sense anymore. He’d let Jaemin do anything, if he asks with his big kind eyes turning cheeky and flirty at occasion. 

He was at Jaemin’s place, and they keep doing it without protection when it’s right there for them to use. They talk about anything with cooling skin, learning more about themselves than most people will ever. Jeno discovers so much of himself too, staying next to him. 

Jaemin is a friendly and open person, but Jeno realizes there’s so many things he doesn’t share gladly, it took time for him to open up. Most times Jeno stays for longer than necessary, this week they even brought Jisung to the apartment because he needed a literature book for school and instead of buying a new copy the man told him he could check his library sure he had it somewhere.

And Jeno had to keep himself from falling completely in love with Jaemin, spotting him with an arm around Jisung’s shoulders trying to teach him how to cook, the younger with gleaming eyes moving disastrously in the kitchen. Jeno kissed Jaemin the moment Jisung disappeared to the bathroom, Jaemin confused by the sudden affection but kissed him back as passionately.

Jeno can’t shake off how Jaemin makes him feel, and he cracks open a morning the man is sleeping in his bed during Jisung’s ski trip days. He felt alone in the house so empty for the first time in years, so Jaemin stayed. Jeno that morning leaves the room, heart painful in his chest at the number displayed on his phone ringing. 

“Hello?”. His voice comes out by a miracle.

“Hi Jeno”. The voice is metallic but Jeno would recognize that soft, feminine and comely tone everywhere. Bringing him back to days where it meant everything to him. “It’s Sooyoung”.

Jeno takes his time to breathe, clinging in his — Jaemin’s large shirt to sleep wrinkling under the tight fist of the fabric he takes. “How are you?”.

Jeno is not mad. They were young, scared of a responsibility and future falling on them for an unfortunate condom breaking and fate sneaking Jisung their way. Jeno’s way. He can’t blame her, until he wasn’t able to hold his son’s tiny hands, see his very much alive eyes and face of a creature he brought to the world he was about to flee as much as she did.

Those were nine months of pondering choices, of fixing the upcoming future. Jeno just knew he had to protect Jisung the moment he saw him, while Sooyoung closed off, couldn’t even look at him. She wasn’t ready, and probably could have never been in that moment and in the years coming, so Jeno is glad he raised him alone, making him feel wanted and happy.

“I’m good, sorry for the sudden call, I was unsure you would even talk to me but your mother said to try”. There’s a shifting sound from her line, a nervous chuckle. “I am getting married”.

“That’s good to hear”. Jeno smiles, rests his side on the living room wall where Jisung’s scattered school books and controllers of his playstation are messily fixed there. Chaos of a life Jeno won’t know how to keep up without its boisterous expansion. “When’s the wedding?”.

“It’s in early September, I wanted to invite you. You don’t have to accept, I understand, you and Jisung don’t owe me at all. I made many mistakes, Jeno, and if you forgive me or one day Jisung will be curious to know what his biological mother is up to, just know that I’m here. This is my number and you can call it anytime. I know my parents send you money but for anything regarding Jisung, I’m willing to help, even if I’m fourteen years late”.

“I think Jisung would like the idea. I forgive you, I want you to know. We were young, Sooyoung. I guess I was a step more ready to be a parent that you were. I hope this time goes well, and you’ll build a happy family. Anger doesn’t solve anything here, I’ll ask Jisung if he wants to attend. Keep in mind this might be hard for him”.

“How is he?”.

“Good. He’s currently on a high school trip, he’s such a lively boy and so tall”. Jeno chuckles. “He has your same enthusiasm, I see a lot of you in him”. 

“What about you? Do you have someone who’s taking care of you too?”. Her voice sounds kind, hesitating with her words but how couldn’t she when this is the first time they’re speaking since she left. It’s nice, Jeno’s mind comes up with memories he forgot, or were deeply asleep in his mind now blooming just with her voice.

Jeno smiles bitterly, there’s only one person that comes to mind. An utterly amazing man sleeping in his room as they speak.

“You could say that. He takes plenty of care of me, and Jisung. He loves Jisung so much it leaves me speechless”. 

“I’m so glad to hear it. I hope you and this special person will be happy together. Sounds like something new”.

Jeno doesn’t have to explain, no one would understand. Or call him a fool, for keeping this something with Jaemin that would end up hurting them soon. They’re eventually going to hurt, he can’t deny it but until it goes this well, Jeno sticks to it like the few more minutes of sleep you crave in the morning. Five more minutes with him, an hour more, a whole month more since he started having real feelings for him.

“Thank you, Jeno. For giving Jisung all the love I couldn’t give him”. 

Jeno’s eyes get watery, his voice an ounce more than a whisper. “If not me then who? Jisung is my entire life”.

They say goodbye soon after, Soyooung tells him she’ll send them an invitation and also a mail with the same details just in case the letter takes too long to arrive. He spots Jaemin there, and from his socks sliding insecure if he should step where he is or stay at the end of the corridor makes him sure he’s heard a big part of it, at least to understand it was Sooyoung on the phone.

Jeno rests his temple to the wall, eyes closed and some weak tears eventually stream down his face, no matter how hard he’s trying to keep it together. Jeno forgave her, it doesn’t mean it hurts less to know she’s building her own family and will have children with both present parents, something she stole from Jisung. He repeats himself Jisung doesn’t mind it, smiles in a sob because the boy always gets the chance to remind him he’s the best father and he’s grateful for him.

Jeno is shaken by hearing a voice he thought he would never in his life again. Jaemin hugs him, that grounding and calming smell that has Jeno look for him, fingers gripping at his nape and letting all the sorrow accumulated in years of loneliness sooth on his wide shoulders, and the lovely lips meeting his staining cheeks.

“Was it who I think it is?”.

Jeno cries more, even more upset for finding Jaemin in the midst of sadness trailing behind him all this time, someone he can’t have the way he wants. 

“Alright”. Jaemin whispers, of an astonishing gentleness, and Jeno melts in their kiss, is the one to look for him and there’s no sign of rejection, just warmer lips, warmer arms around him and his lungs pleading to breathe between sobs.

Jeno didn’t know that pleading for his lungs to allow air was nothing compared to the dreading and simple breaking of his heart ready to come a little more than a few weeks later. Jaemin woke up earlier not for Jeno talking on the phone, but for an important email that makes Jaemin wobble getting up from Jeno’s bed that same morning.

Jaemin is slow to admit it, he’s lived his life alone in the rich man’s world long enough to be aware it couldn’t work with someone permanently next to him. He’s told Jeno this is how it works for people like him, all while having Jeno each day become a necessary part of his life. This is something he’s tried to tell him, write in a letter or formulate it with words when they end up staring at the other for too long many times just to throw every occasion to waste. 

Jeno doesn't know, and there's his already unstable world with Jaemin falling at the news. Jaemin is moving for work, not just the usual short term flights but it's for a long, still undefined long amount of time.

Jeno’s face obviously crumbles. He can't try to smile, it's shocking and sudden, Jeno wasn't prepared to protect himself and it crash-lands on him. He doesn't have the strength to find something appropriate to say. Deep down he’s happy to see Jaemin being the successful and smart man he is, this is another big step for him. Jeno is proud, he really is. He just wasn’t ready to be stepped in the way so soon.

The other part of him, the stronger one that ended up falling in love with him despite the never stopping self warnings, has him lift a clipped forced smile after more than two minutes of silence of staring blankly at Jaemin. This was bound to happen, Jeno is foolish for hoping it would have lasted a bit more. But morning has to come for the sun to shine again, and you can skip your alarm for five minutes more until at one point, waking up and facing reality is necessary to not end up stuck in an unrealistic dream.

No more dreams for them, only the ugly reality of what this truly was. Something casual.

“Can I accompany you to the airport?”. Jeno coughs in an odd laugh, nails digging in his digits. “I think Jisung would like to say goodbye to you as well, yeah, he probably has to skip a morning of school but-”.

“Jeno, slow down”. Jaemin holds his hands from the progressive painful digging of nails, lips frowning in a sad smile. 

“When do you leave?”. It stings to ask, Jeno needs to know.

“Next week”. 

“Oh, fuck off”. 

Jeno gets up, aware there’s nowhere he can really escape to in his own house. He closes the bathroom door in a sound of an unconscious slam, sliding his spine on the hard wooden until he sits, the floor cold. Jeno would have liked a warning, telling him at least there was a possibility he was going to leave soon. It would have put his heart at ease and forced himself to not catch feelings.

He’s aware he’s nothing to Jaemin romantically and he doesn’t owe him explanations as a lover because they aren’t, but they’re friends. A friend that decided to thread and bond with the most important person in his life, also threading a red string on Jeno that keeps pulling him in.

He hears one knock. Then the weight of Jaemin’s spine sliding down the same way he did, sitting on the other side of the door. He catches Jaemin’s thick breath, his own held back sure if he does let it out he’s going to start crying.

“I hurt, Jeno. More than you think. I want to spend this last week with you, and Jisung, please don’t shut me out of your life”.

Jeno opens the door, glimpse of Jaemin sitting next to him, and he turns to hide his head in the crook of his neck. He shivers with the hand at his nape threading in his hair. Jeno kisses him, to prove him god knows what. Don’t leave me — he means, but how useless is Jaemin kissing back if he is going to walk out anyway. 

He has to get to work, and now every time he leaves Jaemin during the day will hurt more. They don’t have that indefinite amount of time where things will end someday to count on, Jeno has only a week. One where he won’t do nothing, just walking miserably to his office, and everyone notices something is off.

Jeno has been happy these last months, laughing through the teasing and shrugging off things he’d usually sulk about. Having someone at the end of the day, officially or fooling around like they did, it doesn’t matter. It’s good, to rely on someone who can also hold you in any way remotely romantic, someone who’s a friend but more than that. Jeno lacks a term to define what he and Jaemin are, yet there’s a very clear word to describe what he feels for him.

His boss on day one of his miserable self asks for him in her office, and Jeno is not ready to be kind or listen to her invitations referring to business with Jaemin. He sits there, finding cured nails, blonde hair curling at the ends and an understanding lipstick shaded smile.

Apparently everyone at the office suggested Jeno should take some days off work. News spread fast, and lots of magazines have been talking about Jaemin’s not so secret date; there are many pictures taken of them going out together, and when you’re often outside with a public figure people start to talk and profit from it. 

Jeno never confirmed anything, everyone at work believes they’re dating and Jaemin despite all the media’s questions never confirmed it as well, it's not part of their undefined plan. Jeno left them to believe whatever they want.

News spread fast and they all know Jaemin is going to expand his business in Europe, another building for the fashion industry and the brands he owns. Jaemin would probably come back to New York in an uncertain future, sure for a couple of years he needs to be present for all a new business entails. Jeno is tired of uncertainty.

“How are you doing, darling? It must be hard for you”. She asks, that face grimacing in pity and Jeno sighs, slumping on her office’s chair. He’ll gladly take the days off.

“Honestly, I’m lost”. That’s the most vague confirmation about what goes really on with him and Jaemin he’s ever made at work.

“If I can give advice, keep him close until you can. It’s going to hurt anyway, right?”.

“It already hurts”. Jeno smiles, eyes empty as he gets up and thanks the woman a while later, gathering up his things to leave.

Jaemin is surprised to see him in front of his door after their small undefined fight, and more so when Jeno pushes him inside the apartment, closing the door behind them walking to the man’s room. Jeno might be slightly aggressive, taking — almost ripping their clothes off and handling Jaemin on top of him on the mattress, the other picking up with his mood. 

This is what they are, he’s going to use both for the stupid nature of their relationship.

Jaemin tries to be gentle, soothes his finger where Jeno abruptly turns his stomach to the mattress and arches his back for him, hiding the way he bites his lips with pain written in his lost eyes, numb everywhere. He doesn't like the position much, Jaemin knows because Jeno told him once they did it like this to try. Jeno likes to see, to be chest to chest, and Jaemin who knows him better than anyone else is trying to turn him back.

“Can't we just fuck?”. Jeno asks impatiently, grabbing Jaemin's hand to cup his own crotch, Jaemin moving it to his stomach and leans to his face instead. He gives him a serious look, one looking quite displeased.

“So you don't want to talk”.

“No”. Jeno shuts his eyes, damn touches and words always too kind for what they have. Damn Jaemin and his attentive nature tricking Jeno to believe he means something more to him. “You're going away and I - we’re going to miss you so much, there's nothing else to say”.

“Jeno, look at me”. 

He feels exposed, bare of everything literally and emotionally when he turns naked to meet Jaemin’s eyes, his same dazzle trembling with one look. And he’s defeated to kiss Jaemin back as he tries a first time after Jeno finally turns, holding his soft brown hair as he kisses down his stomach, warm tongue sucking marks on his inner thigh and licking slick in his rim, Jeno’s tension falling on the pillow with a moan.

He tries hard to erase the softness, all the lingering touches they've got used to and they come naturally as Jeno tries to be quicker, treat it more as a last one night stand, to what they were when they started. He can't do it anymore. 

They hold hands, where Jaemin’s one intertwines Jeno’s on his stomach, Jeno laying on his side and a leg bent in front of him Jaemin keeps in his arm higher, the slow deep thrusts and Jaemin’s leg between his to steady the pace. Jeno throws his head on the man’s shoulder, gaping more at the intimacy. 

Jaemin’s arm sticks under the space between Jeno’s side and the mattress, it probably hurts after being there for long but Jaemin slides a gentle thumb on his palm at the loud unsteady fit of moans leaving Jeno’s mouth. He doesn't last longer than that, whimpering as Jaemin slows down.

“You can keep going, it's okay”. Jeno manages an airy laugh. “I won't break”.

Jaemin kisses his neck, and Jeno’s leg in his hands twitches for how overstimulated he is; he almost cries. In that moment nothing matters, it's just them, being more than when they started, and he gets how obvious it is they can't turn back to something less strong, or less intense than this. 

The bed is a mess, they're both aware of the fresh stains under them but Jaemin looks as spent as he is, heavy gazes falling into closed eyes, barely conscious. Jeno clings at him, doesn't let go for all the minutes passing in complete silence. He frowns, catches and makes sure the sniffles he hears are real, raising up his head from Jaemin’s chest and finds tears embedded in his long dark lashes.

“I’m not ready to leave you”. Jaemin’s voice breaks, his chest burning with his fragility.

“I didn't mean to curse at you the other day. I’m not ready to see you leave”. Jeno smiles sadly, slides his thumbs to dry Jaemin’s tears, trying to keep his own and thinks of anything that could distract the man, looking so young with watery eyes. “I have an idea”.

Jaemin closes his eyes for Jeno to kiss him, making a curious noise. “Stay with us for the week, or we could come here and help you pack things”. Jeno frowns, kisses his salty cheeks still with streaming tears. “Don’t cry, Jaem, it’s okay”.

Jeno huffs out a short laugh with glossy eyes at Jaemin crying more, hugging him tightly. He presses his lips in a sad smile, he never thought Jaemin would trust him this much. These days they’ve been saying important words that carry a huge weight around and the way Jaemin is acting makes Jeno sure they’re both suffering. No matter if Jaemin feels romantically attached to him, they’ve been together for more than four months, it’s going to be hard.

They’re both trying to make good memories, Jisung comes over after school most evenings and helps them pack the important things Jaemin will need. Jaemin suggests to buy them the apartment and Jeno has to fight his way to refuse the crazy offer. He could stand Jisung’s trip paid by him especially because Jaemin adores the boy, but this is an entirely different thing. 

Jeno joked all his life to find a good looking wealthy man for himself to spoil him, albeit he really wants nothing material from Jaemin. If anything, he only needs him to stay for longer, days running now they don’t have any more time. They open up with Jisung, whatever they have; there’s no hesitation to hug Jaemin as he cooks for them in the evening, or Jaemin might have stolen some not so discreet kisses the younger sees.

This is the domesticity Jeno looked for a lifetime, having a good lover that would stick with them. Unfortunately Jaemin is not the one, and Jeno gathers the time he has left. Nights they spend more to talk and learn all they still want to know, more touches and bruises their hungry lips never get tired to map. Some words that start to feel like small confessions when said at night, Jisung sleeping in the guest room and them tangling together. It’s another thing the boy witnesses, finding them sleeping in the morning and Jeno is slightly worried for his son’s silence about it.

Jaemin and Jeno live in their happy bubble of glass on top of a skyscraper, spending the day just the two of them alone and giving all the affection they can to Jisung when he comes back from school. It sounds like the warm daily pattern of a family, how a happy, healthy one should be like. 

“What was your favorite thing here in New York?”. Jeno asks on their last night, cooling off from their dried sweat and bodies still feverish with all sounds and closeness consumed, Jaemin settling on his chest. The airplane leaves tomorrow morning, and none of them could sleep so they did what felt the most right, mingling close with all that’s physical. 

“You”. Jaemin looks up, grazes his moles by habit. “You’re my favorite person. I’m thankful for the life you gave me these past months”.

Jeno closes his eyes and tastes Jaemin’s languid kiss. It tastes as if he’s already away in another unspoken confession, unfairly devoid of a farewell. Jeno feels uprooted from Jaemin, walking with a heavy heart to the gate the next morning. Airport entities, colorful, differently shaped bodies walking fast in their destined direction or lingering by the shops crowding and disappearing when the board calls for where they need to be. Some going home, others detaching miles away where they made one lonesome man fall in love with them.

Jaemin called chapters all of his life spent traveling and the new places he settles in, and he’s about to leave the one titled New York. Jeno at least was a memorable character for the compacted months of life here, hopefully he will turn to a memory he can look back to fondly. Jeno hopes that for himself as well, that one day the pain will simply stop and Jaemin will be a name to bring a smile on his face and a story to tell when someone will ask him if he’s ever loved unconditionally. 

Maybe not unconditionally, none of them ever gave themselves the freedom to do it. And Jeno has the confirmation this is not something he’s made up in his head, staring at his shoes as they both step in their small space, hitting shoes and pressing foreheads together in the middle of the airport. 

Jaemin’s suitcase stays next to his legs, airport busy and Jeno doesn’t care if they’ll end up again in a magazine with some gossiping about what relationship they have. Jeno once told he doesn’t want Jaemin’s fame, name, or anything belonging to their different worlds to influence their friendship. Except this time, it’s his very name and who he is to take him away from him. 

Jeno bites his lips, this is final. Locking eyes with Jaemin, last time for his warm and firm arms to circle around his waist as they always do, and for his own fingers to delicately frame the man’s jaw. Those sparkling eyes, telling more than anything comprehensible that could come out of Jaemin’s mouth. His breath fanning on Jeno’s cupid bow, the way he likes it, grazing his nose to his cheek. Jeno watches Jaemin’s long eyelashes close in that thick dark curtain casting shadows to his jowls. 

A few meters behind them Donghyuck, Renjun and Jisung came to say goodbye as well, none of them have the heart to remind Jaemin it’s late and he doesn’t have much time left.

Jeno crawls his fingers in Jaemin’s hair, guiding his head on his shoulder to hug him. Their grip is strong, it speaks louder than all they ever weren’t brave enough to say, Jeno sure his voice would start wobbling into tears if he uselessly tries now. Exposed, both of them expose so much in that moment, and if one of them is brave to really speak the right words, maybe this won’t be the end for them.

There’s a last call for Jaemin’s flight, so Jeno presses his lips to the man’s cheek as their hands intertwine, feeling the easiest, most natural thing he’s done so far. A long goodbye, leaving reddened cold skin as soon as his lips detaches and Jaemin leans to kiss his forehead. “Fly safely”. Jeno tells him, soaking the warmth after he takes courage and breaks their hold.

Tears don’t really stain, no one will notice Jeno if he cries blazed with sharp pain as soon as he smiles at Jaemin turning again before he leaves for his flight. He looks like he’s got all the dazzle sucked out of him, can’t detail the sad brown eyes glancing back down to the tight grip on the suitcase and the slow steps away from Jeno.

He’s foolish to think those slow steps would come back in their direction, they keep walking away from him instead.

Jeno starts reaching to Jisung, he wants to hold him. His knees give in half way there and he starts sobbing, arms folding and head heavy to look on the floor. He sees Renjun’s sympathetic look as Jisung runs to hug him, tall and lean he almost hovers Jeno in height.

“When did you get so tall?”. Jeno cries, and Jisung laughs with his lively voice getting lower with his age, sometimes cracking in brief childish and high pitched words in between phrases, time stealing that youthful sound to puberty. 

Jeno calms down and has to convince them at least for five minutes he’s going to be fine driving alone. He has to gather up his and Jisung’s things they left at Jaemin’s place, and honestly he needs the time to do it alone. Give a proper goodbye to the apartment, probably finding a sort of closure, locking definitively the door Jaemin left open for him through his keys.

There’s another pair of keys he has, and once Jeno is alone in the airport’s parking lot he sighs eyeing the familiar green Lamborghini. Jeno accepted only because Jaemin said he would just leave it there, another ghost of New York belongings he’s left behind, not too sure Jaemin took the time to end his apartment’s contract.

He steps in the car, rolling down the window and Jeno laughs as he drives. It’s ridiculous, his heart is broken and he’s driving a car he could never afford in his entire life, laughing bitterly because no amount of money is worth what Jeno just lost. Pain denses with time, he has to learn how to coexist with it. Rising in a moment, to a shaky breath calming down back to the same pounding hurt. 

The empty pain insists especially once he walks in the apartment, the only sound of his shoes lonely and body stopping to watch the city view. Same bubble of glass where nothing feels warm, the aseptic feeling in it Jeno felt before knowing Jaemin as deeply as he does now is back at full force. It’s like seeing it for the first time, a beautiful skeleton of a place that needed a missing piece.

Missing piece found for a week in the happiness of gathering in Jaemin’s kitchen at the end of the day, teasing and lovely words echoing in the space, hugging Jisung and distracting Jaemin's cooking. Jeno slides his hand to the cold marble of the table, fingers bumping into paper. He picks it up.

‘ i bought the apartment. don’t be mad, it’s not the most welcoming place but now it holds a special spot in my heart i guess. this is for you when you need room for yourself, i know you won’t move in with jisung. i love both of you, please don’t forget me. 

forever yours, jaemin.’

Jeno sits on the stool, wrapping his head with his arms and his throat clutters so painfully before he’s crying again. He already misses him.

“I told you to not buy the damn house”. He says to no one really, to Jaemin maybe but he can’t hear him, he’s on a flight to another continent.

Jeno doesn’t stop hurting, he learns how to live with it. He’s back at work and his coworkers can tell there’s no life or glint in his eyes he can force out, Jungwoo comforting him and also showing the latest gossip about him and Jaemin more to let him know they're there for him, taking in his hands the airport picture someone took of them hugging. Of course their delicate moment is captured for cheap gossip. No one can get even close to what they had, no speculations or useless appealing words can figure it out. 

Donghyuck takes him out, sometimes for drinks, other times with Renjun who’s the guy he was dating since long now. Jeno already knew, Jaemin telling him Renjun showed him pictures of Donghyuck before their first date and that’s why he looked familiar when they met at Jeno’s house. The world sure is small sometimes. Hanging out with a couple like them is fun, Jeno has to admit, their loud bickering distracts him from what his mind enjoys in a masochist way to bring back when his heart is the most sore.

Nights are the worst. When Jeno is more restless, lonesome looking for a hand to hold that’s not there anymore; haunted by happy memories on his bedsheets, a body missing next to him on the mattress, no arms wrapping around him. Jisung sleeps with him a few of those nights to compensate for the void, slipping in his bed with his long limbs covered by plaid large pajamas. 

Jisung shifts to his chest, and Jeno combs his hair, watching with fondness the boy’s satisfied smile. When Jisung was four it used to calm him down from his nightmares, and Jeno quickly got the habit to soothe him whenever he gets close, making sure he feels safe.

“He loves you too, you know?”. Jisung says, glancing up at him. “I’m not stupid, dad. I saw how you look at each other. Please don’t be sad”.

“Sorry baby”. Jeno smiles, nipping his lips. “I’m always busy trying not to miss him. I didn’t realize it makes you worried to see me like this”.

“Why don’t you call him? I’m sure he’d come back if you tell him”. Jisung gives him one of his cheeky smiles, lighting up the mood. “Jaemin would be such a cool second dad”.

“Ah, I understand now”. Jeno fakes a deep sigh, looking up the ceiling. “You want to replace your old, old father who held you since you were this tiny”. Jeno shows with his hands how small he was, chuckling at the playful push Jisung gives to his shoulders. 

“You’re so lame”. Jisung huffs, pouting cutely. “And I saw you two kissing like teenagers”.

“And what do you know about how teenagers kiss?”.

“I have experience”. Jisung says confidently and Jeno turns abruptly to him, wide eyed.

“You don't”. He says surprised, gaping as Jisung nods.

“I do”. He blushes and Jeno makes a half screech chasing the boy who wants to roll off the bed. “Is it the girl you like?”.

“Don’t be embarrassing!”. Jisung covers his face, and Jeno at least smiles brightly for a night, listening to candid stories of Jisung’s crush and his first kiss.

Jeno holds pain for himself and often it slips in the privacy of his home allowing a few tears to come out wetting his pillow, but one day it gets too much showing all the sorrow to his son again. Jisung worries a lot, and he has to study with his friends he invited at their house so Jeno after wandering without a destination for an hour outside found the familiar path to Jaemin’s apartment.

He keeps the note he left in his wallet, where Jaemin told him he can come here if he needs to be alone. Jeno kept updated about him from Renjun, he isn't ready to face their distance, being fine with Jaemin already working well with his new business, having events planned around Europe and personally hosting castings for the models posing in new catalogues. 

Jeno promised himself one day he’ll call, when it hurts less and the past is turning to memories and no more regret for not speaking when he could. He’s not confident he’s going to stop regretting that. 

Donghyuck has been weird today, Jeno told him he’s at the apartment if he needs anything, his best friend going on his first month anniversary with Renjun for the night, one month of officially dating to celebrate. It must be that making him jumpy when Jeno visited him in the morning, his voice an ounce higher when he mentioned he’s at Jaemin’s place on the phone.

Jeno walks in, immediately taking his shoes off and sliding on the smooth floor, clenching in his simple hoodie lazing in the house all day, hanging his jacket at the entrance. His keys tingle in his palm, unsure of what he’s supposed to do alone in that big space.

He can't tell why he’s tiptoeing in the house, reaching Jaemin's room so naturally. Bed done, slightly wrinkled and untouched since the morning they made it together before leaving for the airport. There's a shirt crumpled on the nightstand, and Jeno furrows his eyebrows. Jaemin forgot it there.

He’s torturing his poor lips to scraping blood, changing in that shirt after thinking too intensely about it. It's useless, but it smells like him and for a moment Jeno remembers vaguely how it is to have Jaemin pressed close to him, something more concrete than all the memories and dreams making him wake up with sweat and tears.

Wide bedroom with a double bed, the long wooden desk in front of it and the vertical window giving more of the city life’s view, tiny bodies moving like ants on the far ground, glass fogging with the humid air and his breath against it. Jeno jumps scared by the loud sound behind him, bolting to its direction and his keys drop on the floor into another dull noise.

Jaemin stops a few meters from him, arms up to move a towel to his damp hair. Jeno bites back a smile, not even the time to think he’s already walking to him, gasping to feel the real hold of Jaemin’s hands finding place around his waist. Jeno hugs him, air puffing into a happy laugh. He feels his own heart beating loud in his ears.

“What are you doing here?”.

Jaemin shakes his head, his lips pressing into a smile and he holds Jeno’s face with the warm digits digging softly on his cheeks. “I can't do it. You know how I said I had to leave for the next chapter of my life but I still have to write the previous one, Jeno. With you, I can't do it without you”.

“Wait”. Jeno moves his fingers to Jaemin’s face, looking like a complete fool checking up all his features to realize it is his Jaemin. “Are you serious? No pretty words''.

“As serious as a man in love can be”.

Jeno wrinkles his nose, sneaking his arms around his neck. “Men in love can do very stupid things, are you aware?”.

“I bought us this apartment, I think I’m being pretty official here”. Jaemin leans in to kiss him but Jeno only allows a small peck, cheeks hurting with his smile.

“Can I tell Jisung? He’s actually with his friends right now, but- maybe I shouldn't disturb him”.

“Let's take this hour for us, we have all the house and we're alone”. Jaemin kisses him, Jeno catching his tongue with his teeth, then leaving space for him to steal his breath. Home. 

“When were you planning to tell me you're back?”. Jeno smooths Jaemin’s shirt, hands roaming under the fabric and lifting it up until Jaemin takes it off. 

“Donghyuck was supposed to tell you Renjun left something here and if you could take it for him and then well, I would have prepared a little dinner plan ready for us. Jisung is already going to stay with your parents. But you're here definitely unplanned”.

“That's why he was so weird about me coming here”. Jeno rolls his eyes, biting softly Jaemin’s neck. 

“Are you happy, Jen? Taking this to the next step? I’m not sure I’d be a great boyfriend but I can try for you”.

“And your projects in europe?”. Jeno smiles, head hitting the wall when they kiss and Jaemin protects it to soothe it between him and the rough surface, another arm crawling around his hips.

“I spent these last two weeks finding some replacements for me and reliable people to keep me updated. I’ll still have to go there for short trips sometimes, but maybe this time you can come with me, treat them as little holidays”.

Jeno leaves a sweet sigh at Jaemin’s hand tracing up his groin, giving him a mellow kiss. “I don't want you to give up your hard work for me”.

“I want to be part of your life. And Jisung’s, it's a lot to ask, I know. If you guys need someone next to you, who can snag a place in your family, I want to be that person for you”.

“I love you, Jaem. Jisung does too, we love you. And I’d be the happiest man on earth to wake up next to you starting from tomorrow. How does that sound?”.

Jaemin lifts him up, giving up on small touches to a very sweeping kiss. “Sounds like two happiest men on earth”.

“Cheesy”. Jeno laughs, eyes squeezing and half seeing Jaemin’s lips sticking everywhere to his face once he lays on the bed. Jeno’s hands feel his shoulders, his spine and down until they get behind his thighs, Jaemin grinding down the same moment Jeno jerks his hips up with the same intentions.

Jaemin's back and Jeno feels alive, glad for the new reason why his stomach and lungs burn this time.

Days pass, accumulating to months and years. Jaemin’s empty skeleton of an apartment clutters and smells of home after moving in the three of them together. Now on the modern shiny furniture there are some framed pictures of them in Europe. Jeno and Jaemin kissing at the beach in a picture they took in Spain with dried salt and dripping hair under the burning sun, Jisung with a melting ice cream in hand and sunburnt cheeks in another picture from a trip to Italy. 

There's a room smelling of a teenage boy, stacks of cds, books, computer games and secrets Jeno wants to rip his hair off slowly and painfully, finding Jisung making out with his girlfriend and door closed a few times and Jaemin has to drag him out of there and not scold the boy. They’re just innocent and curious kisses, Jaemin tells him, reassuring Jisung knows better. 

Jisung becoming a full teenager makes Jeno age and grey quicker, thankfully he has his companion trying to turn him back to sanity.

Personality blooms in the lived glass walls, a place that's felt and called home by people, not anymore of a lonely businessman unaware he was about to find a family in another simple man from a magazine’s design department, suggesting different water bottles while sticking to the idea they all taste the same. 

Jaemin publicly talks about Jeno in an interview. He secretly keeps in his planner the cutout of the magazine where he went for his usual fluttering words that make them extremely annoying and noisy at night. He guesses they’ll never stop being all over each other, and in their favor this house is big and no young boy’s sleep gets disturbed. They get tired with their busy days but never to share a kiss and fuel a sparkle demanding to tame or die down.

Jeno introduces Jaemin to his parents, and obviously the charmer has them wrapped around his fingers in one dinner, his mother bringing soup and treats for “Your future husband”, as she tells Jeno whenever she visits. He had to avoid laughing the first time he spotted Jaemin and his mother going out shopping together with linked arms in the elevator, now simply chirping at them to have fun, a kiss on the cheek ready for both of them before they leave.

Jisung turns sixteen, making a wish and blowing candles on a cake from Renjun’s bakery after being all shy at them singing him birthday songs. Donghyuck and Renjun call him and make him blush more, promising they will celebrate properly all together after they come back from their honeymoon. They're happy, and this house is still big and full of space according to Jeno, who cleans the table and stares at Jaemin's broad back as he washes the plates.

Jisung stayed with the elders for dinner and cake, now disappeared in his dark room only illuminated by the blue computer screen playing games and talking — screaming on discord with his friends.

Two years with Jaemin have been the easiest, happiest of his life. Jisung met his mother for the first time; it was a lot of mixed emotions for Jeno to go through during the wedding but Jaemin’s hand was and is always there to hold. Both of them enjoy sharing bits of their past or daily trivialities at night when they're finally together and lazing around. 

Occupying the couch for hours to watch tv and find an excuse to cuddle, Jeno content to have Jaemin falling asleep with his head on his lap. Yawning as they both lay there in the middle of a kiss, nothing that can make him embarrassed now they coexist with all possible flaws, nothing they can really hide. Jeno uncovers Jaemin’s each day more and he’s mesmerized to see how good he is. Always a step closer to his beautiful soul, and how rare it is.

Jeno keeps working, even if he's dating one of the growing richest men of New York. They don't need much, Jeno is content this way and so Jaemin is. The biggest part of money they spent is to travel, experiences lived together that stick with them in memories and local gifts he brings home to them when Jaemin leaves for short work trips alone, the security of having him coming back each time. There's only one thing Jeno can't stop thinking about, and soon he walks to the sink where his boyfriend and companion is, wrapping arms around him with a kiss at his nape.

“Baby?”. Jaemin takes a peek at him, Jeno smiling amused.

“It makes me feel so young when you say it, along with boyfriend”.

“We are young, Jeno. Thirty five is not that old”.

“We are young, aren't we?”. Jeno turns the water off, having the man’s attention. Dark brown ruffled hair, a mention of a beard to shave where Jeno feels his skin rough under his digits and the same gleaming white smile that got him when his eyes first saw it. It hasn't been long, but it feels like it.

“You're overthinking”. Jaemin narrows his eyes, a peck on his nose. The way his whole body reacts to him makes him young for sure. “Again, I might add. Tell me what's on that beautiful mind of yours”.

Jeno takes a loitering look around the kitchen, smiling sheepishly at him. “I’ve been thinking about it for long now, taking the next step, a new chapter”. Jeno drags his lips to Jaemin’s cheek before he can look again at him. “I want us to have a baby, Jaem. We could start looking out for adoption practices. I asked Jisung if he’d like a sibling and his excitement convinced me I should tell you”.

Jaemin rubs a hand through his eyes, telling Jeno to wait. He watches him crawl under the table, hand up rummaging to the hidden surface. He takes out a small box, and his heart thumps loudly recognizing what it is.

“I was struggling to find the right time and make it romantic since we’re always busy, but-”

Jaemin's hands tremble a little as he opens it to a ring, white gold and a simple diamond sparkling so brightly under their kitchen’s lights. He loves it, always repeating he loves simple things whenever Jaemin tries to make him gifts for birthdays and anniversaries they don’t really celebrate. Jeno watches Jaemin get on one knee, he doesn't give him the time for him to ask that question and he's bending where he is, kissing him.

“I do, I can't wait to marry you”. 

Jaemin chuckles, clearly moved and nodding as Jeno stretches his left hand, both falling on the floor with their shaky legs, chuckling and feeling young. Jeno is the luckiest man ever. 

“I need to buy you a ring, they need to know you’re taken. Jeno Na? Jaemin Lee? Maybe with your business I should take your surname- oh, who cares, right?”. 

“It doesn't matter, we’ll think of it later. I want a baby, Jeno. Maybe we should get married first but a little sister for Jisung-”. Jaemin kisses him, forgetting half of the words to say and Jeno falls on top of him on the cold floor, steading on his arms on both sides of Jaemin. The hem of his sleeves are damp and soapy when they trace his arms, wearing house clothes and both distraught with work but this life sounds so perfect to him.

“I want a baby girl”. Jaemin’s tongue slips again in his mouth, Jeno pulling from their hungry glossy lips. It doesn't last long, he nods and smiles to give them a hard time kissing, teeth clashing painfully and they're both too happy to whine about it. “I have to learn how to be a good father”.

“You already are the most amazing one to Jisung”.

“I love you”. Jaemin pulls the hem of his shirt to kiss him quickly. “And Jisung, even if he's all grown up and he probably doesn't need us hags anymore”.

“We’re young!”. Jeno scolds, fond smile before they get too lost mapping lips to each crevice and smoother patterns in succession under their tongues. The taste of Jaemin’s fruit flavored chapstick, the sweet one of nonalcoholic sparkling wine they bought to toast with Jisung. 

They're not perfect and yet Jeno still swims in that flawless life Jaemin keeps giving him for two years. Jeno can't wait to marry him, keep all promises they make after Jisung’s sixteenth birthday on that cold kitchen floor.

Life sounds so bright with the prospect of living each day with Jaemin, Jisung and soon a new baby girl waking them up at night and generally busying them more, starting a circle and routine Jeno forgot after all those years, except this time he’s not alone. He has a loving husband, smiling at him when they have dark circles, crumpled shirts and ruffled hair in the middle of the night and finally baby Ara falls asleep. 

Jeno is the luckiest man on earth.

**Author's Note:**

> if you're here, thank you for reaching the end. <3
> 
> you can check my pinned on: [twitter](https://twitter.com/jenlvbug)
> 
> or let's talk on [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/ir02ne)


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